


Nothing Civil About It

by The_SuperLizard



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Military, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Major Character Injury, Minor Character Death, Minor Kara Danvers/Winn Schott Jr., Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-05-24 00:43:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 34,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14944424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_SuperLizard/pseuds/The_SuperLizard
Summary: Alex Danvers and Maggie Sawyer meet as soldiers overseas. For Sergeant Maggie Sawyer's remaining months on tour, she was transferred to the same base as Staff Sergeant Alexandra Danvers. They are forced to rely on each other in combat and grow closer as Maggie's tour comes to a close. With promises to meet back up when Alex comes home, Maggie leaves her to finish out her final month.Their plans, however, don't go as expected. Alex is unable to carry out the rest of her time when a mission goes awry and leaves her severely injured, fighting for her life. Alex must find a way to cope with her new reality with the help of her friends, family, and girlfriend.This is a story of trials and tribulations and beautiful love.





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This is a Military AU, meaning there will be depictions of active missions as well as injuries that happen during them. It is labeled with the warning of Graphic Depictions Of Violence because the scenes are described with some detail. There is nothing particularly graphic, but there will be descriptions of injuries and heavy talk of PTSD. There will be mentions of minor character deaths as well as a funeral. 
> 
> I plan to specifically mention when these things occur at the beginning of those chapters. It will not be all violence. This is a Sanvers endgame love story. I can guarantee that there will be a lot of mentions of PTSD and descriptions of flashbacks and nightmares, which is why the rating is set at Explicit. There's a lot of heavy feelings involved while Alex is learning to manage her symptoms and avoid her triggers. If that is an issue, please do not read. It will take up a lot of the middle of the story. 
> 
> With all that being said, there will be sad parts, but there will be a lot of Sanvers love and comfort. Alex doesn't know it yet, but the light at the end of the dark tunnel comes in two forms that she never expected. 
> 
> It will get dark before it gets light, but I promise it will get light again. I plan on making this one a long story.
> 
>  
> 
> All mistakes are my own as well as any inaccuracies. I know there will be inaccuracies, so I apologize in advance. I am not in the military nor have I ever been a part of it. To those of you who are or have been, thank you for your service. The focus I am going for is on the Sanvers relationship and its development.

“Sergeant Sawyer, meet Staff Sergeant Danvers. You will be leading a team right beside her as our two best strike teams.” They shook hands in greeting and saluted their superior as he left them to get acquainted.

Alex sank back into the chair she had been occupying and gestured for her to do the same. 

“I gotta say, it’s nice to meet another woman at that rank… My name’s Maggie by the way.” Alex chuckled. It was refreshing that someone was actually willing to joke around a little. It was starting to get a little lifeless out there in the desert in this unit. 

“Alex. And yes, it is nice… You get your stuff settled in alright?” Maggie was going to be joining Alex in her tent. She was the only Sergeant at this unit that was a woman and was granted her own tent because of it. It was quite a bit smaller than the others since she was the only one, but it was still nice. There was plenty of space in it for Maggie too. 

Alex had been thinking for a while now that it would be nice to have another human to talk to before going to bed at night. You know, someone to talk with to take her mind off of everything around her even if only for a few minutes. It could get lonely out here.

“Yeah I did. I figured the vacant cot and table was mine. It’s a nice set up you’ve got in there actually. It’s better than what I expected.” “Glad to hear it. Did you get the grand tour yet?” Alex asked her. 

“No, just the sleeping quarters and here… Which this, I’m assuming, acts as a lounge for officers?” Alex nodded her affirmative, “you’d be correct with that assumption. If you’re up for it, I’ll give you the tour of the camp and we can go grab dinner from the mess tent?” Maggie nodded and followed her out.

… 

“... And that just about wraps it up. It’s not meant to be terribly big since we’re all about striking and stealth.” Alex said as they stepped into the last tent to get their food. The tour had taken barely any time to complete.

The mess tent wasn’t exactly a five star restaurant, but the food produced was edible. Their food definitely could be worse. Honestly, that’s what Alex missed the most from home other than her mother and sister. Food was one of her favorite things, especially junk food.

They took a seat at the end of one of the tables. “So, Danvers, how long you been out here?” “Right here?” Alex asked pointing down to the table meaning this camp. Maggie nodded. Alex sucked in her lips thinking about it. “I wanna say it’s been almost thirteen months now at this one. This is my third tour. The first one was nine months, the second one was eighteen, and this one is eighteen, too. I'm on the home stretch now. I’ve got another five months before heading home for a longer break this time. What about you?” 

Maggie didn’t hesitate, “four months left. This was a last minute switch. The original person supposed to come ended up getting an appendicitis of all things and couldn’t make it.” Alex chuckled at the irony of that happening out here. “I’m here as his replacement for the next four months. But I’m done after this. I’ve fulfilled what they needed me for.”

“So what are you going to do back in civilian life? You got something in mind?” Alex asked between bites of food. “Yeah actually. I’m a writer. I’ve published one novel and a series of children’s books. I’ve been working on a second novel for a while now, but hit a dead end. Still looking to find my muse for this one, but I’m gonna finish it and send it off for publishing when I get back.” 

“Now that’s cool. My sister always wanted to be a writer. Journalist actually, but ended up a florist. Funny how some things work out right?” Alex said. Maggie chuckled and nodded, going back to her food.

“Maybe the change of scenery will help you get unstuck…” Alex suggested.

They were quiet for a while, the sounds of the mess tent filling the silence. 

“What are your plans? Have you thought about it?” Maggie asked after a while. “I have.” Alex stated and said nothing else, going back to her food.

“...That’s it? That’s all you’re going to give me?” Maggie asked waiting. Alex shrugged with a challenging smile. 

“Come on… I’m gonna have to use my imagination then...” Maggie said with exasperation. Alex laughed, “I wanna hear your ideas, writer.” Maggie tapped her chin dramatically. “Hmmm, I could see you as… An alpaca farmer.” Maggie nodded, sure of herself. Alex choked a little on her water laughing. “I like that. Maybe I should be.”

After another silence Maggie spoke up again, “so you’re not going to tell me?” Alex shook her head, “maybe someday, but I prefer you to guess. We’ll make it like a game to pass the time.” Maggie nodded, “I like that idea Danvers. I like a good challenge.” 

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

Two weeks after Maggie rolled into camp, they were preparing for their first mission together. 

“The intelligence that we’ve been receiving shows that the meeting is going to take place in three days. Three of our top five targets are going to be there. There should be no civilians around and no collateral damage. If we do this right, it should be a quick in an out.” Alex briefed the room. 

They had prepared well for it. The latest set of intelligence had come in that morning and everything was on schedule for them to do their mission in three days. Alex and Maggie had worked really well together so far and this would be their first test going on. The practice drills they had been doing for this mission already showed that they were going to work flawlessly together. Both their teams were in sync with each other.

“Everyone understand?” Alex received nods from everyone around the room and several “yes Sergeants.” Alex nodded and dismissed them. 

“Ready for your first rodeo with us?” Alex asked Maggie after everyone had left. “Definitely ready. My team is ready to go. They’re prepared. Three days and it’ll be perfected.” Alex nodded. 

They had three days to perfect their tactics. Three days gave them a huge advantage.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

The evening of their mission at dinner, to relax before heading out, Maggie made another prediction about Alex’s potential job after rotating home. “National Park Ranger.” Alex looked impressed at the guess and relieved at the pause of her thoughts. “No but that would definitely be cool. Maybe I’ll keep that as a potential option in the future. I’ve got the survival skills needed in case too.”

… 

Their mission had been a success. All targets had been taken out or arrested with no injuries on their end. The ones captured had been sent off to the main base for questioning and imprisonment. 

The mission had gone down flawlessly. Alex had a high success rate when it came to missions. Each one she lead was well prepared and well done. Tonight was no exception. Alex and Maggie themselves, as well as their units, made a great team together.


	2. Where's Home?

“So Sawyer, where are you from?” It was late at night and they were finally relaxing after a long day of training before going to sleep. They’ve been working together for three weeks now.

“Originally Nebraska, but I live in California now.” 

“Ooh, California, fancy.” Alex joked. 

Maggie chuckled, “not really that fancy… You?” 

It was Alex’s turn to chuckle, “California.” 

“You goof. What part?” 

“I was born and raised in Midvale, but moved to National City with my sister. When I’m not on tour, I work at the base there at the edge of the city.” 

Maggie sat up straight on her cot to look at Alex. “No… Shit, really? I live in National City too! I’ve worked at that base for years. How have we never run into each other?” 

Alex sat up with a disbelieving look. “That’s weird and oddly coincidental.” 

“What are the odds of that happening.” Maggie scoffed. 

“Well…” Alex started and Maggie held up a finger, “don’t you say the odds Danvers, it’s a saying and figure of speech…” “Ugh, such a killjoy!” Alex said with exasperation. Maggie flopped back down on the cop.

“Such a nerd,” Maggie said and laid back down. “Maybe your job when you get back is some lab techie scientist where you stare into a microscope.” She chuckled tiredly but when Alex didn’t respond like she usually did, Maggie picked her head up and looked over to her. 

Alex had an unreadable expression on her face, but Maggie could almost sense a longing and sadness to her demeanor. “Danvers?” Maggie waited for a response… Alex kept staring at the ceiling. “Alex?...” She was uncharacteristically silent, not following up with her usual quip at Maggie’s guesses. Something had switched and Maggie could tell as clear as day, but she didn’t know her well enough at this point to know why.

Instead of answering Maggie, Alex looked at her watch and sighed. She sat up and started putting her shoes on. “Grab your coat.” Alex said to her. “Wait, what? Alex, it’s cold outside, and I’m exhausted.” Alex picked Maggie’s coat up and tossed it to her before exiting the tent. 

Maggie grumbled pulling her boots on and her coat. It was the end of November and although it was still relatively warm out at night, it was quickly becoming much colder than the normal desert temperature during the day.

As soon as Maggie stepped out and spotted Alex, Alex moved to go around the back of the tent. Maggie followed and found her sitting on a large rock looking out over the desert and to the plateaus. Plopping down beside her, Maggie waited until Alex was ready to speak. 

“I know you’ve been out here before at night, but have you ever taken a second to breathe it all in?” Alex asked turning to look at her. “Once or twice. Not nearly enough though. Why?”

Their mobile site where they were at turned almost completely dark at night, so there were no extra lights. Not even a nearby light from a town could be seen.

Alex nodded her head over towards the open land. “People often forget to be really human out here. It’s nice to come out sometimes when everything is quiet and calm… Notice the way the moon shines? It lights everything up and everything just seems to have a natural glow to it.” And Alex was right. The desert was rather beautiful at night. There weren’t many rocks and even fewer bushes, but everything was calm and peaceful.

“Mmmm it is nice.” Maggie hummed. “But that’s not the best part.” Alex said. Maggie waited for her to explain further, but instead, Alex just pointed up towards the sky. Maggie hesitated for a second but looked up. And it was absolutely stunning.

The last time she had seen stars like that was a very, very long time ago back in Nebraska. “No one ever bothers to look up at night… The most beautiful light show happens every night, and people don’t take the time to look and appreciate it.” Alex sighs again. “... Good night, Maggie.” Alex said softly and got up, going back into the tent. 

Maggie got up and followed her, still really confused by what was really going on. She took another look at the sky and walked back in.

“Danvers, did I say something wrong?” Alex already had her boots and coat off and was getting back into bed. “You didn’t say anything wrong, Sawyer. I just didn’t want another person to miss that. With what we do and what we see, it’s nice to have that moment of silence.”

Maggie crossed her arms, unrelenting. “And I really appreciate that, I really do, but something else is clearly going on in that head of yours. I made a comment about a potential civilian job and you went silent on me.” 

Alex laid back and looked at the “ceiling” again. She knew the night sky so well that she could see it when she looked up at the cloth over their heads. Maggie sat down and was about to say something else when Alex spoke up. “My mom has her PhD in bioengineering and a specialty in astrobiology… My dad was an astronomer with a PhD as well…” Maggie didn’t miss the way she said her mom in present tense and her father in past tense, but stayed quiet allowing Alex to continue. 

“He taught me everything I know about the stars. We’d go out at night, ever since I can remember. It’s just something that was always ours… We’d do science projects together and other fun things. I wanted to be just like him when I grew up…” Alex swallowed, trying to keep her voice even and emotions saddled. 

“I wanted to work in a lab like him with telescopes and microscopes and test tubes and all that.” Alex closed her eyes and her eyebrows scrunched together under the weight of keeping her emotions at bay.

“Tomorrow is ten years since he died.” 

“Oh, Danvers, I’m sorry.” Maggie said. There wasn’t really anything else for her to say. 

“Night, Sawyer.” Alex said and turned over away from Maggie. She turned her light out and Maggie let it go. Alex had trusted her enough to share a piece of her personal life with her when she didn’t have to. She wasn’t going to push anymore. She turned off her light and went to sleep as well.


	3. Meeting the Family

Maggie could hear Alex talking to someone from outside of their tent. It wasn’t long after lunch and they had some down time now. Not thinking much of it, Maggie stepped in and Alex looked up from her computer. 

“Hey Sawyer,” Alex said. “Who's that?” Came a voice from the computer. “Oh sorry,” Maggie said quickly, “I didn’t realize you’re skyping. I just came to grab my notebook and a pen.” As of recently, more ideas were coming to Maggie for how her novel could continue. To an extent, she supposed Alex had been right and the change of scenery did help.

“No, no, it’s fine!” Alex smiled, “come say hi. This is my sister Kara. Kara, say hello to Sergeant Maggie Sawyer.” Maggie came over and looked at the screen and was greeted by a very smiley blond woman. “Hi. It’s nice to see you. I’ve heard so much about you from Alex.” Maggie said politely. 

“Oh I’m so excited to see you! Alex keeps mentioning you and I was hoping that I’d get to meet you soon! Are you keeping my sister safe over there?” “Geez Kara, relax, okay? I’ve got her back and she’s got mine, right Sawyer?” Alex said quickly knowing her sister could get a little carried away. Maggie smiled showing her dimples, “got that right Danvers. Don’t you worry, Kara, I’ll keep her in line.” 

Alex narrowed her eyes playfully, “I out rank you, you know?...” Maggie chuckled and knocked into Alex’s shoulder. “Barely. And I know that. But I can still keep you in line to make sure you stay safe.” Alex smiled back at her. 

“Kara.” They heard someone out of the frame say. Kara turned her head and smiled a little bit. “Hey, I’ve got Alex on Skype.” Another face entered the screen. “Hey sweetie… Oh, hi! I’m Eliza Danvers.” Maggie smiled, “it’s nice to meet you Dr. Danvers… Um… I’ll let you guys chat.” Maggie leaned over so only Alex could hear her. “I’ll be by the rock at the edge of camp if you want someone to sit with or talk to.” Alex nodded her thanks, unsure of what to say about the gesture, but thankful nonetheless. 

Alex watched as Maggie grabbed her notebook and pen. Maggie turned back to the family and said, “it was nice meeting you both.” They said it in return as well, but Maggie said one more thing before leaving. She hesitated but then said, “and my thoughts and condolences to all of you today.” “Thank you,” both Eliza and Kara said to her. Alex’s look said everything she wanted to convey. Maggie nodded to them all and patted Alex’s shoulder on the way out. 

“You’ll put flowers out for me, right?” Was the last thing Maggie heard while leaving the tent, her voice more small and vulnerable than she had ever heard. Her heart went out to her, it really did.

“Of course we will. Just like last year, I promise. And I’ll take a picture for you as well.” Kara said to Alex reassuring her. “Thanks, Kar, I really appreciate it. And thanks for skyping with us today, Mom. It’s nice to see you.” “It’s nice to see you too, Alexandra.” Alex smiled at the way her mother had said her name. Ever since Alex had decided to enlist and had longer tours, her name was rarely used in punishment or angrily and was now usually a sign of familiarity and motherly affection. She really appreciated the change.

“So what’s with that cute girl in your tent??” Her mom asked with a knowing smile and smirk. Alex took a deep breath and ran her hands over her face. “Mom, I’m nearly eight thousand miles away from you, and you’re still trying to set me up?” 

Eliza chuckled at her eldest daughter. “I’m just curious! She looks really nice and she was kind enough to take a moment to say hello and to mention condolences. Those are redeeming qualities! I’m just saying…” 

Alex's face was heating more and more as her mother talked about Maggie. 

“Mom, I don’t even know if she’s into girls, and I really don’t want to screw up the partnership we’ve got going on right now. ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ right? We make a really great team, and I can’t jeopardize our national security by screwing that up.” Eliza stuck her hands up, “alright, I can understand that. But you and I both know the policy was repealed… Just saying, she’s one to watch out for and maybe pursue if she does happen to be into ladies…” 

Alex smiled at her, “thanks Mom.” Alex checked her watch. “I need to get going. We’re only allowed so much skype time out here. I love you both and say hi to Dad for me please.” “We will.” Kara said. “We both love you too. And please stay safe out there. You’re on the home stretch now.” Alex nodded, “I will… See you next week, Kara. Bye Mom.” She blew them both a kiss and waved before closing her computer. 

She let herself wallow in her grief and sadness for a few moments before taking a deep breath and going to find Maggie.

Alex found her quickly, right at the edge of camp where she said she would be. Alex sat down next to her while Maggie scribbled notes and phrases down, no doubt for her current book or for another one already in the works. 

She didn’t say anything and Maggie didn’t either, respecting Alex’s choice. And in that moment, Maggie was able to provide Alex with a silent outlet that only a true friend could provide on one of the loneliest days in Alex’s life. In that moment, she felt calm despite being so far from home.


	4. How About... These Civilian Jobs?

“Pilot? I could see you being a pilot.” 

Alex chuckled. “Nope, done that already. I used to fly medevacs with the helicopters out here. Did that for my first tour but my eyesight went from perfect to just barely not perfect and got dropped from that.” 

“Damn, so you can fly the ones we use on missions?” Maggie asked her. 

“Yes.” 

“Well at least I know I’ve got a better chance at surviving with an extra pilot on board.” 

Alex gave her a toothy grin in response. 

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

“Oooh! I got a good one!” Maggie sat up and exclaimed. 

Alex groaned, “Maggie, I’m young and need my beauty sleep.” She rolled over and put her pillow over her head. 

“Ring leader in a circus.” Maggie had a proud smile on her face and ducked out of the way when Alex’s extra blanket came flying at her. 

“As funny as that is, you’re incorrect, and I’m sleeping.”

“Oh you’re no fun Danvers. It’s still early.” 

Alex honest to God rolled over and stuck her tongue out at Maggie. “I’m sleeping.”

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

“School bus driver.” Maggie tried this time.

“No.” 

“Ice cream truck driver?” Maggie tried again.

“I thought you were only doing one guess per night…” Alex said as she rolled over to look at Maggie’s cot. 

“Normally, yes, but I thought I’d get my driving guesses out of the way.” Maggie shrugged. 

Alex decided to respond anyway, “and to answer the second one, no. Not an ice cream truck driver. I could never drive that slowly… And I’d probably eat all of the ice cream by myself before anyone could buy it.” Maggie laughed sleepily at that.

“You got a favorite flavor?” Maggie asked her. “Rocky road. You?” “Strawberry vegan ice cream.” Maggie replied. Alex lifted her head off her pillow. “Vegan ice cream? That’s disgusting.” She scoffed. Maggie shook her head, “not everyone has the luxury of eating as much dairy as they want, Danvers. I’m lactose intolerant.” 

Alex open and closed her mouth. “Oh. Wow, I’m sorry… That sucks.” Maggie waved it off with our hand. “It’s alright. It’s no big deal. I like the taste of the vegan versions anyway, so it’s not so bad.” Alex hummed and turned back to look up at the tent ceiling. 

After a few seconds she asked, “you got a family Sawyer?” They’d been out at the camp together for a little over a month now and Alex never heard her talk about them. Not once. 

Maggie smiled. “I have a beautiful little girl.” She pulled a metal box out from under her cot and opened it. She pulled a photo out and handed it to Alex. “Her name is Jamie. She’s three, almost four years old.” 

The little girl in the picture was practically a photocopy of her mother: dimples, dark curly hair, and all. “She’s absolutely adorable! She’s got her mama’s looks to.” Alex said with a smile. She was smiling on the outside but mentally hating herself for the flat out almost flirting tone at Maggie. Not the time or place. 

Maggie’s smile could’ve lit up the room at the response. 

“Those dimples she’s got? Those are devastating, she’s gonna break hearts someday.” Again, came out not the way Alex wanted it to since Maggie clearly had the same ones. But Maggie just laughed and shook her head, “I know.”

“So is it just you and your daughter?” Alex asked. “No, she has a father. We were never together, together as a couple. He’s my best friend though. When I’m deployed, she stays with him. When I’m in the States, she stays with me. I’ve been lucky with the… I guess you could call it brevity… of my tours. I’ve done more stateside training than I have deployed.”

“I’ve never seen you skype them?” Alex asked the statement like a question. Maggie was never really one to talk about herself unless specific questions were asked. “I call them once a week. I don’t want to be skyping and have something happen here for my daughter to see.” Alex nodded, “I get that. I understand that.” 

“What about parents?” Alex asked and Maggie’s smile vanished. “I have them, but they’re not family. I haven’t spoken to my parents since I was fourteen. My Aunt Maria, I talk to. She was the one who essentially raised me after I got kicked out.” Maggie shut her mouth quickly, eyes open wide, not realizing how much she was saying about this. Something about Alex just made her want to open up and talk.

“Geez, I’m so sorry to hear that…” 

“Yeah, well, it’s whatever,” Maggie brushed it off. 

“Hey, if you ever want to talk about it, you know where to find me. Seriously, I mean that.” Alex wanted to be there to support Maggie. Afterall, she had been a comfort for her when she needed it.

“I appreciate it Danvers. I’ll keep that in mind, thanks.” Alex nodded and rolled over, turning off her light. They had a long day ahead of them tomorrow prepping for their next mission and needed to get as much rest as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up, the next chapter involves one of their missions with the following few chapters being the aftermath of it.


	5. Tonight's a Loss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Minor Character Death and descriptions of injuries. There are descriptions of an active mission and shooting.

“Are we all clear on this?” “Yes, Sergeant!” Alex got in response. They were nearing their target. 

“I want this to be clean, in and out.” Alex said to them, briefing the soldiers in the helicopter. “Lewis, you make sure Mr. Davis stays with you.” He nodded. 

Mr. Davis was a photographer and journalist sent over by CNN to do a story on modern day war. Alex had picked the short straw and had to take him with them. She turned to him, “stay with Lewis. Where he goes, you go. He is your bodyguard. Don’t do anything that is going to get you killed.” Mr. Davis nodded. “Yes Sergeant. Thank you for allowing me to come with you.” 

Alex looked at him for a long moment before turning back to Maggie. “Ready for this?” She asked at a volume that only Maggie would be able to hear. “Absolutely. You?” “Always.”

Their mission began in silence like always. Alex gave the signal, and they went in. 

One thing about war is that no matter how much you prepare, things don’t always go to plan… As soon as they had entered the building, all hell had broken loose. Shots were coming from all directions. Alex took out two right off the bat, but it did little to slow the exchange of bullets, the sound deafening. Alex and Maggie both had excellent teams, but this was getting out of hand fast. 

One of Alex’s soldiers took out two more of the enemy shooters and fanned out allowing her to advance farther in. Maggie’s team worked in sync with hers and quickly cleared the bottom floor. 

Alex came around one of the corners to find one of own laying on the ground sputtering having been shot. “Donovan,” Alex said and dropped to his side, putting pressure on the wound right above where his neck met his shoulder. She looked around, and didn’t see any more threats. She had barely registered the other teams as they continued sweeping the structure. “No, no, no, no, you’re not allowed to die on me. Y-you’re not allowed to.” There was already a pool around him, there wasn’t much time left.

Alex looked into his eyes and saw how terrified he looked. She did her best to compose herself. She had to for him. 

“Hey, hey, look right at me.” When he looked at her, she smiled tearfully. “You know what’s happening, right?” He blinked a few times as a tear slid out. He was aware. There was no confusion in his eyes. He tried to speak but was unsuccessful. Alex shook her head, “no, don’t try to talk. It’s alright.”

He weakly raised a fist and put it up to Alex’s left shoulder. It was something she did with her team and her team only. It was their way of saying “all good.” Alex choked out a laugh at his smile and gesture. She did the same to him. 

“You did good, Donovan, you did good. We’ll bring you home, I promise you.” He nodded as he took his last few breaths and went silent, arm falling back to the ground. 

Alex bowed her head briefly before sniffling and standing up, grabbing her gun. She turned just in time to see the light catch the barrel of a gun pointed right at her from the staircase. One of them had managed to slip by the teams. Alex shot immediately and took him out, but at the same time she had shot, he had too. She took three shots to her chest, absorbed by the vest, and got grazed by one on her arm. She fell backward onto the ground, the wind having been knocked out of her by the bullets before she even hit the ground. 

Coughing, trying to force air back into her lungs and ignoring the amount of pain she was now in, Alex tried to squirm her was to cover by the wall. Her instinct to take cover was overriding everything. “Danvers!” Maggie jogged over to her. The woman was deceptively strong and grabbed Alex by the top of her vest and pulled her to the wall sitting upright. Maggie quickly put pressure on Alex’s arm, “shit, Danvers. You’re not supposed to get shot.” Alex was still trying to force air into her lungs or she would’ve laughed at that. “You okay?” “Yeah,” Alex tried to choke out, nodding unconvincingly. She looked over at her arm that was bleeding through her uniform and onto Maggie’s hands. “Th-that’s gonna n-need stitches.” Alex grumbled breathlessly. “Shit m-my chest h-hurts.” 

Maggie looked over her shoulder and waved someone over. “Matthews, come here.” “Yes, Sergeant.” He said. “You stay here and make sure no one tries to shoot her again. Makes sure she keeps pressure on that too.” He nodded and Maggie put Alex’s hand where hers was and took off to make sure the targets had been taken out and there were no more surprises.

Matthews bent down on a knee at Alex’s level. He pulled out a white cloth from his pack. “May I?” He asked, pointing to her arm. Alex nodded. 

He took the cloth and wrapped it tightly around her arm to slow down the bleeding and tied it off. Alex’s uniform sleeve now soaked with her own blood. He pulled his belt off and made a makeshift sling from it. 

“Thanks.” Alex said to him. “No thanks necessary. You take care of us and we take care of you.” Alex nodded. “Can you stand?” He asked her. Alex honestly wasn’t sure, but she nodded anyway. As he helped her stand up, Alex swayed and leaned heavily into the wall trying to get her bearings again. The pain from the shots to the chest was nearly blinding. Her arm was nothing compared to that pain. She’d been shot before, but never taken four shots in a matter of a second thanks to a semi-automatic weapon.

She heard shouting and a few last shots before the building was silent. Both teams came to regroup back in the room. “All targets have been eliminated, Sergeant.” One of the soldiers spoke up. Alex nodded. The mood was solemn, they had all see their fallen soldier and brother. A loss for one was a loss for all. “Alright, move out. Calvin and Marcus, bring Donovan.” Alex said, giving the orders.

They started filling out. Alex turned to follow but stumbled, the slight jostle was enough to bring the pain back to the forefront of her mind. She was really off balance from the pain and blood loss, despite it being relatively minimal. “I got you.” Maggie said and put an arm around Alex. Alex in turn put her arm good over Maggie’s shoulders leaning in heavily to her for support. 

It was quiet on the way back to camp, the only sound coming from the helicopter blades. 

… 

The chopper carrying Donovan and Alex landed at the MASH unit that was closest to their base. Alex got out to be taken care of while Donovan was confirmed dead by one of the medical personnel. He continued on back to base after being confirmed while Alex was left there. 

A guy came in to where Alex was sitting on the medical bed. “I’m Peter Fense, and I’ll be checking your injuries.” He helped her take off the makeshift sling and bandage. Alex had already taken off her jacket and vest while in the helicopter. Fense looked over to where the vest was sitting, noticing the three bullets lodged into it. 

He had Alex lay down and to check her ribs. Two of them turned out to be cracked and there were the beginnings of what will turn out to be severe bruising. He gave her a unit of blood right off the bat to help her out, and he made quick work of stitching up her arm. The bullet graze was larger than Alex originally thought. It was a little more than a scrape but not enough to keep her out for long. The ribs were going to be what really sidelined her. Fense gave her a sling to put on and her instructions. 

“Keep that sling on for two weeks to let the wounds heal. The stitches can come out in a week. You can have one of the medics at your base take them out so you don’t have to come back out here. Three weeks for the ribs.” Alex nodded, “thanks.” 

He nodded too. “I’ll have someone drive you back to base in a few minutes. The pain meds that you’ve taken should kick in really soon. You need to remember to take deep breaths when you can to prevent any infections in your lungs. The pain medicine should make you a little more comfortable.” Alex nodded again, far too exhausted to verbally respond. “Keep it easy with those ribs. Ice them when you can. In three weeks when your ribs are recovered, you can go back to field missions as tolerated. Again, just be careful with the ribs.”

… 

It was nearing 0500 when Alex got back to base. The MASH unit was close, but was still a thirty minute drive. Her superior was waiting for her when she got back. 

Alex saluted him as best she could. “Major McNeil.” “Sergeant Danvers,” he saluted back. “Have a seat.” Alex did as instructed. 

“I’ve already placed a new vest and jacket in your quarters. I heard both are unusable now. Sergeant Sawyer already gave me her account. I wanted to see how you were doing.” Alex nodded and the formalities dropped. They had known each other for quite a while now. 

“Bruised ribs and two cracked from three bullets to the chest and a sling for two weeks to let the bullet wound on my arm heal. Three weeks without missions for the ribs.” He nodded. 

“Did you get to see what happened to Donovan?” Alex shook her head, “not directly. I came around the corner and didn’t see anyone. Donovan was already on the ground bleeding out. As I’m sure you’ve seen, he didn’t stand a chance of making it where he was shot.” 

McNeil nodded. “He gets flown out this evening at 1900 hours. If you’re up for it, you’ve got a spot at the front of his casket for you… I’m required to advise you that it’s not a good idea to carry him with an arm in a sling and cracked ribs, but I know you won’t listen to that.” 

“I appreciate that, sir, thank you.” 

He nodded and looked down as Alex took a deep-ish breath. “There’s one more thing… After what he saw last night, the CNN guy wants to talk with you.” Alex made a move to protest but didn’t get to speak before he did. 

“I know you don’t want to do it, and I will happily pass along that you aren’t thrilled, but orders from higher up have said that he gets to talk to who he wants while he’s here. You can choose not to answer some of his questions, but be diplomatic about it.” Alex nodded, “yes sir.” He nodded back. “Go get some rest. You’ve earned that. I’ll make sure you’re up in time for Donovan’s departure…” He already knew Alex would be feeling entirely responsible for the incident despite it being out of her control. There was no point in saying otherwise, she wouldn’t listen to him. Donovan had meant a great deal to Alex.

Alex stood and shook his hand and headed back to her tent. She felt like she could drop down and sleep on the ground outside, the painkillers weighing heavily on her eyes and the strain of breathing was exhausting her. She waved off Maggie’s concerned look when she stepped inside. Alex shook her head silently letting Maggie know to drop whatever it was she wanted to say. It could wait until later. Alex had no intention of processing her feelings tonight.

Alex struggled changing out of her bloodied clothing. She couldn’t manage getting her shirt off, so Maggie wordlessly got up and helped her. She held back her comment about the bruises and helped Alex finish changing.

Once Alex was in a fresh set of fatigues, she lowered herself down onto her cot with Maggie’s help. “Easy, Danvers,” Maggie said, helping her lay down. Alex barely noticed Maggie pulling the blanket up around her before she was out to the world.


	6. The Send Off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex is starting to deal with the aftermath.

“Danvers.” Maggie tried to wake her up by saying her name. Unsuccessful, she tried again a little louder. “Danvers.” Still not working. 

Maggie had been sent in to wake her up and had found her twitching and mumbling in her sleep. It didn’t take a genius to know what she was stuck in a nightmare. 

Maggie reached out a hand and gently shook Alex’s good arm. “Danvers!” That time it worked. Alex startled out of her dream and sat bolt upright coughing from the pain in her chest and her arm.

“Easy, easy.” Maggie said and handed her a cup of water. Alex took it gratefully and drank it all. She put a hand to her ribs, trying to breathe properly again. 

Once she was calmed down and had her breath back, she looked up at Maggie expectantly. “Major McNeil sent me to wake you up. You need to eat something before the send off.” Alex looked at her left wrist for her watch and remembered that it was in a sling and out of view. 

“It’s 1700 hours right now. You’ve got two hours to eat and do whatever you need to before it happens.” 

Alex nodded and tried to stand up, realizing that was a lot harder than she expected. Maggie held out her hand and when Alex took it, she pulled her up. Alex felt like she had been run over by a tuck and currently had a large animal sitting on her chest and lungs.

“Ugh this sucks… You ever been shot before, Sawyer?” Maggie chuckled, “yeah I have. And it sucks, but I’ve never been shot that many times in one night. Just once.” Maggie lifted up her pant leg to reveal a healed bullet wound. 

“Do you need another dose of pain meds or are you okay for now?” Maggie asked her. Alex rolled her head around to try to loosen up her stiff neck. “If I take them now, I’ll be asleep before the send off and definitely be out before I have to talk to the CNN guy. I’ll wait until I’m ready to crash tonight.” Alex really needed to take them but she needed to be awake more than she needed to be comfortable. 

Maggie nodded, “alright then, let’s get you some food.”

… 

Alex was dressed with her jacket on and hair neatly brushed back into the low bun. It was barely long enough to do that, but it still make a bun. She had plans to cut it shorter as soon as she rotated home and didn’t need to have it pulled back all the time.

Maggie had to do her hair for her since she had an arm in a sling. Hat, boots, and sling on over her arm in her jacket, Alex took as deep a breath as she could, steeling herself for what she was about to do. 

“Do you want to talk about it before going out?” Maggie asked Alex once they were both ready. Alex shook her head, “no.” She said in nearly a whisper. “Um, you go on ahead… I’ll be out there soon.” Alex said to her. Maggie held eye contact with her for a few more seconds before nodding and heading out. Alex needed at least a few minutes alone before going to do what she was about to do.

The sun was setting outside causing the desert to have an almost glow to it. It was beautiful, and the setting sun was ceremonial for what they were doing. The end of a day, the end of a life.

… 

Alex was the last to arrive, but still right on time. Everyone was lined up and ready to go with a runway created by soldiers that lead to the back of the helicopter. Alex did her best to ignore the intruder with a camera invading on this private moment, that intruder being the guest reporter. 

They lost soldiers far too often at this base because of the missions they run. It never gets easier. And this one was personal for Alex.

Alex stepped up to casket covered with an American flag. It was resting on a table to allow them to pick it up easier. Alex nodded to them all and the six of them carefully lifted it while another pulled the table away. She ignored the amount of pain she was in. If anything, it was easy to do so now, the situation numbing her. 

Each of the six that were now carrying Donovan were all a part of the original group that was sent out on this tour with him, Alex having served with him the longest.

They slowly walked forward, all of their heads up looking straight ahead. Each soldier stood at attention in a salute as they made their way to the back of the helicopter. It was quiet. Not a sound was made. 

Alex kept her jaw set and eyes cold but even that couldn’t stop the single tear that trailed down her cheek. Even if she did have use of her second hand, she wouldn’t have wiped it away. This was an acceptable time for a tear to escape, to show some small form of emotions.

They’re soldiers. They’re cool, calm, collected, and trained. But they’re only human, too.

They loaded Donovan into the helicopter and the six of them stepped back into a line to salute him one last time. When that ended, Alex stepped up and put a hand on the end of it taking a moment. 

She put a fist to it lightly and then wiped her eyes before walking away. Everyone else was heading back to their duties already and Alex was going to head straight back to her tent before she was stopped by McNeil. 

“Mr. Davis would like to do the interview now. He held off doing it earlier so you could get some rest. My office is available for your use.” Alex nodded. 

She turned to Mr. Davis, not saying anything. Nothing needed to be said, he just wordlessly followed her back to the designated tent. Alex stopped in front of her quarters. “Wait here,” she instructed him and ducked inside. 

“Sawyer,” Alex said when she saw she was inside with her notebook and pen. Maggie looked up. “My computer’s open. Kara is supposed to skype tonight and soon… Would you mind answering for me and see if she can reschedule for tomorrow or something?” Maggie nodded, “of course.” Maggie had joined in on their skype calls regularly now and was no longer a stranger to Alex’s sister. 

“Thanks,” Alex said, taking her next dose of pain medicine before leading Mr. Davis the rest of the way to the tent. She wanted to hold off until just before bed to take another dose, but her pain tolerance was only so high. Carrying the casket had pushed her over the edge.

They took seats facing each other and Mr. Davis pulled out a small device. “Do you mind if I record this?” He asked her. 

“That’s fine.” 

Davis paused before hitting the start button. “I just want to say, I know you don’t want to do this, and I don’t blame you. I talked to Major McNeil already. He gets the final lookover on the interview. I don’t want to take up too much of your time. I know you need the extra rest right now… You’re allowed to not answer anything that you don’t want to… And I’m sorry for your loss.”

Alex acknowledged his words with a nod.

Mr. Davis hit the record button. “Please state your name.”

“Staff Sergeant Alexandra Danvers.”

“How long have you known Mr. Donovan?”

… 

“Hey, Little Danvers, how’s it going?” Maggie asked when she answered the skype call. 

“Hey Maggie! Things are good. The shop’s been busy recently, but I’ll never complain about more business!” Kara paused briefly before continuing, “not that I don’t like chatting with you, but where’s Alex?” 

Maggie gave a sympathetic smile, “she asked me to reschedule on her behalf. We’ve had a long day and there was something last minute that she had to take care of… Would this time tomorrow work?” 

“Hold on, let me check.” Kara looked at her phone.

“I can’t do this exact time, but I can do two hours later?” 

“That should be fine.” Maggie smiled at her. 

“Is everything alright over there? You sound casual and calm, but Alex has only ever pushed back times twice before and each time…” Kara trailed off and her smile fell. She had a knowing look. “You lost another soldier today, didn’t you?” 

Maggie didn’t answer, but that’s all it took for Kara to know it was true. 

“I’m sorry for your loss.” Kara said to her. 

“I appreciate that, Kara, thank you. It’s a loss for all of us, but this was someone Alex had spent a lot of time with. She knew him well.” 

Kara nodded. “I’ll let you go then. Again, I’m sorry for your loss.” 

“Thanks, Kara, take care.” 

Kara smiled lightly, “you too. Tell her I love her and I’ll see her tomorrow.” 

Maggie nodded, “I will.” 

They ended it with a wave, and Maggie closed the laptop. It wasn’t terribly late, but she was exhausted from the previous night having not slept well. She hadn’t meant to, but she drifted off to sleep hunched over at her own table.

… 

Maggie was asleep for at most ten minutes before she woke to the sound of Alex coming back in. 

“Hey, how’d it go?” She asked, voice slightly rough from her brief sleep. She ran a hand over her face trying to wake up a little more. “And Kara says she loves you and will skype two hours later tomorrow.”

Alex didn’t say anything, choosing to lay down and groaned quietly in the process. After another minute of silence, Maggie assumed Alex wasn’t going to answer and just fall asleep. Just as Maggie got herself situated and ready to go to sleep, Alex spoke up.

“I met Donovan right after we both enlisted…” She began, voice hollow and distant. Maggie sat up looking over at Alex who was still laying down, staring upwards as if she was looking through the ceiling. 

“He was barely eighteen and I was twenty-one… We ended up at Basic together and got lucky enough to be stuck with each other for all three of our tours…” 

Maggie knew Alex wasn’t one to open up like this. She was halfway between blissfully drugged on painkillers and pure exhaustion making her defenses fall and her thoughts unfiltered as she spoke. It was a rare moment and Maggie wasn’t sure Alex would even remember this conversation tomorrow but she knew Alex needed to say this, so she didn’t stop her.

“He was practically my brother… And he was my best friend... I met his girlfriend when I flew up to Washington. His girlfriend then became his fiancée and then his wife… I was in his wedding… They were really young to get married, but they were so in love… 

“The next tour, our second, I saved his ass twice and he even saved mine once… He had a baby during that one. A little boy… I even got to meet him before we were deployed again… I cried the day I met him when Jeanie told me what his name was…” 

Alex’s words were becoming more drawn out, exhaustion starting to win, but she kept going.

“She said that after hearing how Donovan almost died twice and saved me once, she wanted their little boy to be named after the two strongest people she knew… She said that she wanted her son to be just as strong as them. She named him after her husband, Jacob, and me... 

“ _Jacob Alexander Donovan_ … He's starting preschool next year…” 

And that was the last thing Alex said before succumbing to sleep. Her soft snores filled the quiet of their quarters, leaving Maggie stunned and heartbroken as she took in all that Alex had said…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update will likely be posted tonight with the continuation of Alex dealing with losing Donovan.


	7. It's Okay to Mourn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The continuation of Alex dealing with the loss of Donovan.

Alex had spent most of the day sleeping again. The pain medicine she was given from the MASH unit was very strong, and while it was keeping her relatively pain free, she wanted to sleep almost constantly. 

… 

It was just before dinner was served when Alex chose to get up and walk around. She groaned and stretched as best she could. Since she didn’t have any work or training to do at the moment, she chose to be in just her fatigue pants and the pale green/tan uniform shirt. Her black sling stuck out among her clothes, a temporary reminder of what had happened. She could suffer through wearing it for two weeks. The last week would be the worst waiting for her ribs to catch up in their healing process. The ribs were far more annoying and painful than the bullet wound.

She ran a handful of water over her face. It was refreshing and helped to wake her up more. She combed her hair out and headed toward the mess tent.

“Danvers!” Maggie said with a smile on her face when Alex approached their usual table. “How are you doing?” 

Alex grunted, “just peachy… Did I miss anything important today?” 

“Nah, just some new training exercises and more debrief. We got two new soldiers too.” 

Alex grumbled, “that was a quick turn around.” 

Maggie nodded and took a sip of her water. “Yeah, it was. But you and I both know that’s how it is out here. We can mourn for a day and then push it back until we get home, unfortunately…” 

Alex nodded. “I know… I know, it just sucks that it is that way.” 

“But hey, if you need someone. You know where to find me. I’m always open to talk or listen.” Maggie offered. 

Alex nodded, “thanks.”

The mood had taken too solemn of a turn for Maggie’s liking, so she chose to add in another one of her potential job guesses. 

“Chihuahua breeder.” 

Alex choked on her water. “I’m sorry, what?” 

“Chihuahua breeder. Is that what you are going to do when you’re back in civilian life?” 

Alex put her head down on the table and laughed and laughed. It felt so good to laugh like that, and Maggie was extremely proud of herself for being able to get Alex to laugh wholeheartedly.

“No, but thank you, Maggie. I needed that.” Alex said, smile wide and eyes shining softly. 

“Anytime Danvers.” Maggie smiled softly back.

… 

Alex had chosen to go on her computer and check her email to see if the CNN article had been sent to her yet. It had.

 

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/157827126@N03/42843781972/in/datetaken/)

 

Not bad so far. She was waiting for the other shoe to drop. She knew the section about their unit was going to come up based on the title. There was a chance that he wouldn’t be able to feature it, but Mr. Davis had been rather enthusiastic about wanting their story to be put into the article.

And sure enough, when she scrolled farther down, that was what followed.

 

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/157827126@N03/42843781802/in/datetaken/)

 

Alex took a deep breath at the images. The one he had mentioned was a photo he had taken just after that single tear had fallen from Alex’s eye while carrying Donovan’s casket. Her face was hard and stoic, the tear and pain in her eyes amplifying the impact of the image. 

She knew why he had chosen it. That type of photo would always be the most powerful image to the public eye. It was real and raw. It felt almost too invasive to have that image plastered all over the United States now through the article, but she knew her superior had to have approved it. 

At least she wasn’t the only one crying, though. Ellis had been on the other side of his casket to Alex’s right and had almost an identical look on his face.

But honestly, what Mr. Davis had been going for was that she was the injured soldier in a sling carrying a casket, showing her sacrifice to protect her fallen brother. It was a full image, head to boot of all of them sending him off.

Alex took another deep breath and shook her head, closing out the article. What was done was done. It was starting to get to her again, emotions just threatening to overwhelm her. If she let that happen, she was afraid it would take her far too long to stop crying. This wasn’t the first brother she had lost. She had lost too many others, Donovan just happened to be closer and slip away in her hands. 

Her thoughts were brought back to the present when her computer started ringing with a skype call. “Shit!” Alex said before grabbing her jacket and sticking her good arm through it and draping the other side over her shoulder. She made sure the sling wasn’t easily visible before answering the call.

But it wasn’t just Kara on the call. Her screen split and her mother’s face showed up in the other box next to Kara’s box. Alex’s smile faltered before she greeted them with a simple, “hey.” She was already exhausted and in pain. She knew she was busted and forwent the façade. 

“Alexandra Marie Danvers!” Her mom cried out. It was a mix of anger and fear. Alex couldn’t blame her for that. Alex put her head in her hand. She could add a headache to that growing list of overall pain and soreness. “Alex, are you okay?” Came the soft question from Kara. 

Alex sighed, “yeah, Kar, I’m alright. Really tired, but I’m okay… I guess you guys saw the article?” They both nodded. 

“Alex, why didn’t you tell us sooner that you’d been shot?” Her mom asked. 

“It wasn’t even two days ago, Mom. I’ve been asleep for most of that time. We did the send off, and then I talked to the reporter right after that. I honestly didn’t think he’d get it out that fast.” 

Her mom’s expression softened at that. “I’m glad you’re safe now, sweetie… How long with the sling?” Alex shrugged out of her jacket, the sling and bandage now visible. 

“Two weeks with the sling, then another week for the ribs. After that, it’s easing back into field duty and exercising. The ribs hurt worse than my arm honestly.” 

Her mom nodded. “Well, I have to get going to work. I just wanted to make sure for myself that you were alright.” 

Alex nodded. “Thanks, Mom. Have a good day at work. I love you.” 

“Love you too sweetie. Take it easy.” And then her box disappeared, Kara’s face filling the entire screen now.

After a paused, Kara asked softly and quietly, “who was it Alex?” 

Alex took a deep breath to calm and ground herself. Major McNeil had already told her that his family had been informed. It wasn’t a secret anymore. Alex shook her head, unable to say the words.

“Alex…” Kara spoke again. “Who was it…?” When Kara didn’t get a response, she knew the answer. There was one person in particular that would cause Alex to react like this. Thinking back to the article, Kara put the pieces together. The three tours… The enlisting… “No…” Kara shook her head slowly. Even she’d come to know and meet him.

Alex closed her eyes as she said, equally as quiet, “it was Donovan.” 

“Oh Alex,” Kara said sympathetically but Alex cut her off with a shake of her head, “don’t. Please.” Alex begged. “If you talk like that, I’ll break and I don’t get to break.” 

“Alex, you get to mourn. You deserve to be able to mourn. He was genuinely like your brother. He was your best friend.” 

That’s all it took. The sympathy in Kara’s voice was too much. Just like Alex had warned, it wasn’t going to take much, and she broke down. Tears slid quickly down her cheeks as she took a shaky breath. Alex shook her head at herself and buried her face into her arm that was on the table. Silent sobs wracked her body and she felt like she’d never stop now that she got started. The pain in her ribs only made her crying more intense.

Maggie came in the tent to find Alex like that in front of her computer, Kara still on the screen with tears of her own and her hand covering her mouth. 

“Danvers,” Maggie said softly as she put a hand on Alex’s shoulder. Alex immediately turned into Maggie’s touch. Not expecting quite that response, Maggie still went with it and pulled her into a hug. She held her only as tight as she dared with Alex’s current injuries. 

Alex’s sobs shook them both. “I’ve got you,” Maggie whispered like a mantra quietly to her. She rubbed her back and ever so gently rocked her back and forth. There’s nothing she could say or do to take that level of pain away so she just held her. She’d hold her as long as it would take, as long as Alex would need to get it out. Plus, she wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon with the way Alex clung to her.

Slowly, very slowly, her sobs lessened to just shaky, hiccuping breaths and sniffles. When she eventually picked up her head to look at Kara, she made no move to leave Maggie’s arms. It’d been far too long since she’d had a hug.

“Will you go? Please? For me? And tell Jeanie and little Jake Alexander I’m sorry…” 

Kara swallowed thickly and nodded. She cleared her throat, “yeah, I will. I uh, I gotta get back to work now though.” 

“Okay. I love you Kar.” 

“I love you too Alex. Seeya Maggie.” 

“Bye Kara,” Maggie replied and then the screen went black with the ended call.

Alex sighed and rested her head back against Maggie for a second. With another deep breath, Alex sat up and pulled away from her, wiping at the drying tears. “Thanks for that,” Alex said to her. Maggie nodded, “better now?” Alex nodded in affirmative. “Yeah, I needed that.”

Maggie patted her shoulder twice before heading to her own cot. The crying was only a step in the process of mourning. Maggie and Alex both knew that it wasn’t enough, but it had to be enough for now. They had a job to do, so Alex would push down the bulk of her feelings until she had to confront them again when she rotated home. It wasn’t healthy, but it needed to be that way.

It was late and they both needed to get their rest. Alex was going to go back to coordinating the intelligence and monitoring training exercises tomorrow.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

That nightmare that Maggie had woken Alex out of the other day hadn’t been her last. Several nights during the following week and for many weeks to come, Maggie would wake up to Alex whimpering in her sleep. 

Each time, Maggie would get up and put her hands on either side of Alex’s face. She’d brush away Alex’s tears with her thumbs, keeping her grounded. Some nights, Alex needed a hug afterwards just to be reminded that someone was there for her. 

They grew closer through this, silently understanding the burdens that each other had. And each day, they got up and carried on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you can't read what's in the articles.
> 
> One more will be up shortly after this one. Then it will be back to a couple lighter chapters again before diving back in.


	8. The Funeral

Kara and Winn walked hand in hand to the section of the cemetery where Corporal Jacob Donovan was being buried. It had been a beautiful service with a large turnout. Donovan was a deeply loved man by many people. All that was left now was the burial. 

… 

They waited until the crowd thinned down before walking up to the widow. Winn hung back just out of reach of Kara so she could have her moment alone with her and her son. 

“Jeanie Donovan?” She asked. Jeanie nodded. “My condolences to you and your son… My name is Kara Danvers. I’m here on behalf of my sister Alex Danvers.” 

Jeanie didn’t say anything but instead pulled Kara into a tight hug. Kara held on for as long as Jeanie needed. If this was providing some small amount of comfort for her, Kara would hold on.

When she did eventually pull away, Jeanie gave her a weak smile which Kara returned. “Alex couldn’t be here herself, so she sent my husband and I and a letter for you.” Kara turned to Winn and he handed it over to her. Kara handed it carefully to Jeanie. With a final hug and a wave to Little Jake, Kara and Winn headed back to their hotel.

 

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/157827126@N03/28023969497/in/datetaken/)

 

Both Kara’s and Alex’s numbers were listed on the back of the letter.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

[Details of the letter]  
Jeanie,

I share my deepest condolences with you today. Corporal  
Jacob Donovan was an amazing man and it was an honor  
and a privilege to serve alongside him. If I could be with you  
today, I would, believe me. But I wanted to let you know  
that he didn’t die alone. I was with him when he passed.  
I hope it gives you peace to know that he went quickly and  
didn’t suffer. He died the hero he always was while  
protecting his country.

My number is listed on the back. I mean this when I say call if  
you ever need _**anything**_. I’m here for you and here for little  
Jake. Either one of you, any time, any place, and I’ll try to  
be there.

I’m rotating back in less than two months. I’ll be up to visit  
and pay my respects. Take care Jeanie. Again, my deepest  
condolences. I’m really sorry.

 **A** lexandra **D** anvers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few lighter chapters are coming up next.


	9. What About Your Family?

Maggie was hanging out waiting for her skype call to come through while Alex sat over at her desk going through more diagrams. It was still really early, earlier than they’d normally get up. 

Typically when they skyped, it was during their nighttime, daytime in the United States, but Maggie was up for a very specific reason. In the US, it was still her baby girl’s fourth birthday. 

When Maggie’s alarm had gone off, Alex decided to get up too and get some work done. She still had a week left in the sling and was going to go get her stitches taken out while Maggie was on the skype call. 

With some time to kill, Maggie struck up a conversation. “So I know your sister is married since I’ve met him over skype. But do you have a special someone back home?” 

Alex chuckled and shook her head, “nope.” Not even glancing up from her work.

Maggie scoffed, “really? Someone like you doesn’t have anyone fawning? Wow.” 

Alex picked her head up and looked over at Maggie with a sly smile. “What about you, Sawyer? You said you’re not with your daughter’s dad. I could say the same thing about you. Some guy has to be dropping at your feet. Anyone special?” 

Maggie shook her head, “between having a child and being deployed, I don’t really have the option of dating right now. And I’m not interested in that crowd anyway.” Maggie opened her eyes wide and slapped a hand over her mouth.

“I’m sorry, that just slipped out…” She mumbled, hand still over her mouth.

Alex shook her head, “no worries. That’s fine with me, if I think you’re talking about what you’re talking about. If it makes you feel any better, that’s the way I am too…” 

Maggie relaxed hearing that. She’d been at bases already out on her deployment where she wouldn’t dare say what she was saying. She was relieved to know she had at least one safe space. “Ladies loving ladies is honestly so much more fun.” 

Alex chuckled, “it is indeed.” 

And now when they looked at each other, they both saw it. It made sense now why they worked so well together and trusted each other so much. It wasn’t just a work partnership, it was a _partnership_ that they were forming.

Alex shook her head getting out of her thoughts, “wait… So if you’re all about the ladies, how’d you end up with a kid? Or was that before you realized…”

Maggie sighed, “I was curious in college. I had never done anything with I guy so I thought I’d try it. I did it once, condom broke, didn’t have birth control, nine months later, baby.” 

“So you did it with your best friend? Sorry, I’m just trying to piece this together.” 

“It’s fine, Danvers. Yeah, he was my best friend then too. He agreed to do it. He was really respectful about it all, extremely apologetic about the condom and stepped up when I found out I was pregnant with Jamie. But being with a woman is still better than being with a man in my opinion.” 

“I wanna meet him someday. He sounds like a really great guy. You know how to pick your friends well.” 

“Yeah, I guess I do,” Maggie said and smiled again with that warmth, both knowing the meaning behind that warmth now. This could be something.

Maggie was pulled from her thoughts when her computer started ringing. Alex got up from her spot and headed out, giving Maggie her privacy.

With a deep breath, Maggie hit the answer button. 

Her face broke into a wide smile seeing her sleepy little girl on the other side of the screen. “Hi, Mija! Happy Birthday!” 

“Mommy!” Jamie said excitedly. “I miss you mommy… When you comin’ home?”

“I miss you too, mija. I’m coming home really soon. Less than two months and I’ll be home… Did you have a good birthday?” Maggie’s heart broke that she couldn’t be with her little girl right now and during all the other moments in her life. Not for the first time, Maggie was glad this was her last time being away from her.

Jamie nodded rubbing her eyes, getting sleepy again. “Uh huh. Daddy let me get ice cream after preschool. We played with the duckies in the park. And then cake after dinner and presents.” 

Maggie smiled, “that sounds like a really fun day, baby… Are you sleepy?” 

Jamie shook her head even as she yawned. “No, mommy. No sleepy.” 

Maggie heard James chuckled in the background and the camera shifted.

“Hold on a second. Let me get us situated.” James said with a smile. Boy was it good to see his face again.

James had put the computer on the chair next to Jamie’s bed. Jamie reached up for him and he gladly picked her up. They weren’t standing for long because James laid down on her bed, Jamie curling up on top of him. She had her arm wrapped around the stuffed bear Maggie had given her just before being deployed this time, and her thumb in her mouth.

“Mommy gets to read you tonight’s new bedtime story. How’s that sound, Jaybird?” James said to the sleepy preschooler. He received a nod, her eyelids growing heavy.

Maggie had picked out a book for Jamie’s birthday for James to wrap and give to Jamie on her behalf. She ordered one to be sent to them and one to her so she’d be able to read it to Jamie.

“You know I love you, right mija?”

Jamie nodded, “Lob ou too, ommy.” She said around her thumb.

James held up the book with one arm so Jamie could see the pictures. Jamie’s eyes shifted back and forth between her mommy and the book wanting to see both. 

“The Little Mouse, the Red Ripe Strawberry, and the Big Hungry Bear.” Maggie began.

Five pages in and Jamie was fast asleep. James slowly shifted Jamie off of himself and onto her bed. He turned on her nightlight, put the book away, kissed her goodnight, and carried his laptop into the living room. 

“Thanks for doing that, James. I really appreciate it.” Maggie said to him, rubbing away the few tears that fell. She really missed them and only got a couple minutes with Jamie before she was asleep. That was hard.

“It’s no problem, Maggie… You’ve got four weeks left, right?” 

Maggie sniffled and nodded, “yeah. Four weeks here, two in National City, and then I’ll be with you both in Metropolis. 

Maggie and James agreed that although it would be hard, Maggie needed the extra two weeks on her own to re-acclimate to life outside of war. The last thing she needed was to scare Jamie because she reacted negatively to an innocent sound. It would take a while for her to remember that specific civilian sounds didn’t always mean gunfire and bombs. She'd never really had a problem before, it just took a little while to desensitize and relax. The two weeks were a precaution. 

“Well, you’ll have to call me when you land. I’ve missed having my best friend to chat with 24/7. And our little princess has been so patient with waiting. She says she’s been trying to be a big girl to impress you.” A sad smile formed on James’ face, mirroring the one on Maggie’s.

Maggie cleared her throat composing herself. “Yeah, I can’t wait to actually hold her again. She’s getting so big.”

James chuckled, “she might be getting bigger, but she’s still tiny. She’s got your genes in her Maggie. She’s another little Sawyer, just like her mom.”

He never ceased to make jokes of Maggie’s height. James wasn’t an overly tall man, but he definitely wasn’t short either. Jamie was definitely taking after her in that category. She had been tiny ever since she was born.

“She might be tiny, but she looks like your kid too. She’s got your nose, eyes, and complexion.” 

James nodded with a smile. “We made something pretty great…” He sighed, “well, I better let you go. I don’t want to hold you up, and I’ve got a big meeting tomorrow. Thanks for taking the time to read to her.”

“Anytime, James, anytime. Give her a kiss from me and a big hug, alright? Love ya, sketch.”

“Love ya too, books.” He said and ended the call.

“Sketch and books?” Alex asked, dipping back into the tent. She’d caught the last couple sentences. 

Maggie looked up, startled by Alex and quickly wiped away her tears.

“Uh, yeah…” Maggie chuckled sadly. “Sketch because he’s an architect, and books because I’m an author… It’s stupid, but we’ve been doing it for so long…” She trailed off sighing. 

Alex regarded Maggie carefully. She could see she was trying to compose herself but it wasn’t working. Alex’s eyes flickered over to the book and her heart melted that she had read her daughter a bedtime story from so far away.

Alex held her good arm out, wordlessly extending the offer of a hug. Maggie thought it over before conceding and going in for it. Her heart ached too much for her daughter to not accept it. The contact brought her a little comfort but didn't do much to take the pain and guilt away. Still, Maggie was grateful for the gesture.

Six weeks, and her baby girl would be in her arms again.


	10. A Few More Guesses

“Scuba instructor for the deaf.” 

Alex stopped eating and looked at Maggie like she had three heads. “Is that even a thing?” 

Maggie shrugged, “it could be if you started it…” 

Alex shook her head, “as cool as that would be, I don’t plan on doing that.” 

Maggie shrugged again and went back to her food. 

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

“Zoo keeper or cattle herder?” 

Alex shook her head. “Hay fever. I’m allergic to grass and hay. I’d never be able to tolerate doing either of those every day.” 

“Okay, scratch that then. How about dolphin trainer at an aquarium?” 

“Still no. I grew up in a house next to the ocean. I hate seeing them in a tank when I’ve seen them on the horizon.” 

“Fair enough. I get that…” Maggie paused, “am I at least getting close?”

Alex scratched the side of her head and scrunched up her face as if she were thinking extra hard about it. “Hmmm… You’re about as close as we currently are distance-wise in miles to National City.” 

“Damn, so not close at all…” Not that she had really expected to be with the guesses she’d been making, it was more for dramatics. “Have I been anywhere in the ballpark… Ooh! Professional softball player?!”

Alex chuckled, “again, no. But that was a good way to tie that in there.” 

Maggie flourished her hand and took a bow. “I try… But seriously, have I been close at all?”

Alex shook her head, “not really. You’re overthinking it. But I like your ideas and enthusiasm!”

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

Three weeks had gone by at the pace of a snail for Alex. She had even let Maggie fuss over her some but she was glad to be sans sling and easing back into missions.

“Massage therapist, hair stylist, or makeup artist?” 

“That’s three guesses, Sawyer.” Alex said to her. 

“I know it is, Danvers, but I’ve only got a week left, and I have many more guesses than seven days worth.” 

“That’s fair,” Alex said. “No, none of those, but maybe I could be a massage therapist? But I’ll let you be the judge of that. Lay down on your stomach.” 

Maggie gave her a disbelieving look, but Alex was seriously going to give her a massage. Her muscles were still aching from her last mission, so who was she to turn down a free massage? So Maggie laid down flat on her stomach on the cot with her t-shirt and shorts on. 

She couldn’t suppress her groan when Alex started working out her stiff muscles. “God that feels amazing.” 

Alex chuckled, “I bet it does. My brother-in-law taught me how to do them well. He gives Kara massages after long days of hauling around soil and stuff.” Alex took her time, carefully kneading at the knots and softer when she reached a tender spot on Maggie’s back. 

“Hmmm, you could totally be a massage therapist.” Maggie hummed to her. She closed her eyes relaxing into it as Alex worked on her shoulders. She let herself go. 

Maggie definitely _felt_ something then with Alex’s hands easing the tension from her stiff shoulders. She’d been pushing those feelings down further and further as her tour drew to a close. The last thing either of them needed was for her to mess up the work relationship they had going. Plus, Alex already knew that she came as a package deal with her daughter and her daughter’s dad. That’s not something Maggie imagined Alex would want to be a part of. (Little did she know, Alex had already had those thoughts cross her mind months ago. She'd been against it then, but she'd made up her mind now.)

Maggie was going to push the thoughts out of her head once again when all of a sudden soft lips were on her cheek.

Momentarily stunned, Maggie opened her eyes to see a pair of whiskey-brown ones looking right back at her. Alex had crouched down to be face to face with her. 

Sitting up, Maggie leaned forward to meet Alex’s lips, quickly deepening the kiss. She opened her eyes when Alex pulled back and touched her lips lightly. They both smiled, eyes dark and warm looking at each other. “I’ve been wanting to do that.” Alex said with a huskiness to her voice. Maggie smiled, “I can tell,” and leaned in, kissing Alex again. 

With only a week left together here, they were both done fighting the pull of their feelings.

“I have a child,” Maggie said pulling back from Alex.

Alex shook her head, “that’s okay.”

“I actively co-parent with my child’s father.”

Alex nodded, “that’s still okay.” A soft smile growing on her lips.

Maggie couldn’t help but smile as well. “I don’t want to _do_ anything here. I want a real bed for that.”

“That’s okay, too. I just needed you to know.” Alex clarified, pulling Maggie into a hug.

Maggie relaxed into it, relief filling her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter updates will be getting longer in length soon.


	11. What Will it Be?... Not Goodbye

“What’s this?” Alex asked when Maggie handed her a list. 

“Since I’m out of days now, here’s the remaining list of what I think you might do when you get back to civilian life next month.”

 

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/157827126@N03/42884803182/in/datetaken/)

 

Alex read through the list carefully, amused at each one of them. Maggie was one very creative person. Alex was very much looking forward to reading her future book(s), this list being a preview of her creative mind. Not to mention these were just the ones that she’d written down.

She stopped when she came across one in particular. “I’m sorry, but does that say _Shrimp boat captain_??” 

Maggie laughed, “yes, yes it does.” 

“Okay, number one, my name is Alex Danvers, not Forrest Gump.” Maggie chuckled with her arms crossed but let Alex continue. “And number two, this isn’t the Vietnam war. Last I checked, we were in Afghanistan... But no, not a shrimp boat captain.” Alex chuckled. “But I do appreciate a good movie reference considering where we are, so kudos to that!” Alex smiled at her.

“Honestly though, lighthouse keeper would be a dream. I’d love that job. Plus I’d never be out of shape with all those stairs to climb every day. And those views…” Alex’s look became far away as she imagined what that could be like. Life on the ocean everyday.

“I’m gonna keep that in mind, Maggie, thanks.” Alex smiled at her.

“So what do you want to do? Will you tell me now? And why all of the guessing?” Maggie sat down on her cot and looked hopefully at Alex.

“Well…” Alex pulled up a chair and sat in front of Maggie. “When you told me you were a writer, I thought it’d be interesting to see what you could up with, you know? Show me your creative side and all that jazz… It was something to keep both of us entertained and help us forget about where we really are.” 

Alex paused and smiled, “the other reason is because I wanted to get ideas from you. If you suggested something better and that I liked more, I’d do that. So thank you for all of your ideas.” 

Maggie laughed and shook her head. “Glad I could be of some help and give you more suggestions.” 

“What my real plans are, are to co-own a motorcycle repair shop with my buddy James Olsen in National City. I’ve rebuilt several myself and sold them for good money. He’s been doing it for a while so we figured when I get back, we’d open a place together, be business partners. We’ve got someone willing to sell their shop to us.” 

“Now that’s a cool plan!” Maggie said to her. “So what kind of motorcycle do you ride?” 

Alex smirked, “I’ve got a Ducati. It’s currently shiny and clean in my sister’s garage at her house. She let me move my tools and stuff in there so I didn’t have to rent a storage unit for everything. I essentially live with my sister and brother-in-law.”

“You know,” Maggie deepened her voice, “it’s kinda sexy imagining you getting off your bike and shaking out your hair after a long ride…” 

“Oh yeah?” 

“Mhmm,” Maggie hummed. 

Alex stood up pulling Maggie with her. She kissed her with reverence and desire. 

Alex pulled back and sighed, “I’m gonna miss you, my tent buddy.” 

Maggie chuckled. “It won’t be long though. You said you’d come say hello in Metropolis when you got back. Then in May we’ll both be back in National City permanently.”

“Too looonnng……” Alex whined, only to be silenced by another kiss.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

“Here’s Kara’s number, my number, and my Skype username. Kara will pick you up on base tomorrow morning when you land.” Alex said to Maggie. They were standing in their tent, Maggie’s things packed, her two bags ready to go. 

“I’m gonna miss you, Danvers.” 

“You getting soft on me Sawyer?” Alex said, voice slightly choked up. It was one thing to talk about it last night, and another to have to stand here and say goodbye.

“Yeah,” Maggie’s voice cracked into a whisper. “Yeah, I am. But just for you, Alex.” 

Alex took a deep breath and nodded. She kissed Maggie gently. 

“So when you get back, how about we take a roadtrip before you start work?” Maggie suggested. “We can do a drive the whole way up the coast to Washington and sight see. My book will be off to the editor and we can have all the time in the world.” 

Alex smiled brightly, “I’d love nothing more.” 

Maggie’s smile slowly faded as another minute ticked by. “You stay safe out here Alex. I’m not gonna be here to put pressure on bullet wounds. You need to promise me you’ll stay safe and come home to National City. I want you to come home.” She used Alex’s first name to emphasize her complete seriousness. 

Alex nodded, “I promise you, Maggie.” 

One last kiss and Maggie was out the door. “See you around, Danvers.”


	12. Home Soil

Maggie stepped off the plane and stretched. That was far too much time traveling in the air. She had slept through as much as possible, but she was never fond of heights or being in any flying machine. She could never really relax in them.

One bag was slung over her shoulder, the other hanging at her side as she walked towards the waiting crowd. It was a large group that was coming back to California today, so the number of people waiting wasn’t surprising. 

“MAGGIE!” She heard someone call out. That was a voice she had come to recognize over the past four months. She got past the barrier and was engulfed in a hug instantly. 

“Oof! Hi Kara.” Maggie chuckled and hugged her back after dropping her bags on the ground. 

“I can’t believe I can actually see you in person!” She exclaimed when she pulled back away from Maggie, still holding onto her arms. It was as if Kara couldn’t believe Maggie was standing in front of her. Truthfully, Maggie felt the same way.

“It is a little weird to not see you on a screen… Hi, I’m Maggie Sawyer.” Maggie laughed reintroducing/officially introducing herself, and stuck out her hand. 

Kara shook it, “Kara Danvers-Schott. This is my husband Winn.” Winn came up and shook her hand. “It’s nice to meet you.” 

“Likewise,” Maggie said back smiling. 

“Maggie, if you don’t mind, can I get a picture with you?” Kara asked her. And Alex had indeed been right, Kara was loud and bubbly and all about hugs. She was sunshine. 

“Sure, that’s fine.” Maggie agreed. Kara handed her phone over to Winn before wrapping an arm around Maggie’s shoulders. 

“Alright, say cheese!” 

Once that one was taken, they got a guy close by to take one of the three of them together. 

As soon as that photo was taken, Kara began one of her notorious ramblings while leading them towards their parked car. “Dinner is on us tonight. We can cook and eat in or do takeout or go out to dinner. The choice is up to you. We just figured that since you’ve been gone for so long that there wouldn’t be anything left in your fridge… And if you want, we can stop by your place so you can get a change of clothes… The offer is open for you to stay over with us in our guest room. Winn and I got it all cleaned up just in case. Again, it’s totally up to you…” 

Maggie looked over to see Winn smiling at her with a sympathetic and knowing look. Kara’s rambles were something that you had to get used to and could be a little overwhelming in person. You could tell she was really excited. 

“... There’s this amazing new ice cream place that just opened up around the corner from us, and the park was just mulched. Oh! There’s also a new restaurant that moved into the newly renovated building right along the waterfront. It’s so beautiful at night with all the lights…” 

“Kara, love.” Winn said, causing her to pause her rambling. “I’m thinking a night in.” He looked back and received a nod from Maggie. A night in sounded perfect. 

“I think I’m going to take you up on that offer to stay over for tonight.” Maggie said, earning bright smiles from the both of them and another hug from Kara. They already felt like family.


	13. Not Clear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Major Character Injury. Descriptions of another mission and of an explosion/explosive device.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Major Character Injury. Descriptions of another mission and of an explosion/explosive device.

Alex was reluctant to admit it to herself, but she really missed Maggie. She had been lonely at night before Maggie had come, and now it was just like before. She had no one to talk to and no one to ease her out of the nightmare she had that first night alone. Sleep wasn’t happening, not the amount she needed to properly do her job.

Three and a half weeks… That’s all she’d have to get through until she wouldn’t be alone at night anymore. She’d see Maggie and she’d be with her sister and brother-in-law. Three and a half weeks… She could do it… 

Alex finished her lunch and got up and put her tray away. She shook the thoughts from her head, walking back to her quarters. She had some work she wanted to finish before her afternoon training.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

During the two days that Maggie had been home, she’d spent just as much time with Kara and Winn as she did alone relaxing at her own apartment. 

Her favorite thing to do in the mornings was go for a walk and get a fresh cup of coffee with honey in it from one of the cafés on the waterfront. She’d take it with her and go to the park. She’d done it twice now, picking the same bench under one of the large trees and just took it all in. 

Maggie liked the park. It was a peaceful place with the sounds of birds, water, children, and dogs in the background. To anyone else, it might even be a little too noisy, but it was just what Maggie needed. She looked forward to it each morning. She couldn’t wait to go to Metropolis in less than two weeks and take her own child to the park.

As clichéd as it was, Maggie loved drinking her coffee and reading the newspaper on that bench. She could see herself and Alex coming and sitting on the bench together someday, enjoying the simplicity of it all.

The first morning she did it, she twitched and nearly ducked everytime someone on a bike went by and shifted gears. It definitely justified Maggie’s reasoning to stay here for two weeks before going to Metropolis. The sounds around her at times were so similar to what she was used to hearing at war. They were everywhere.

Around the tenth time someone shifted gears near her, she had it down to just a twitch and turn of her head to be sure. She expected this and kept reminding herself that she was safe where she was. Those sounds didn’t mean destruction and danger here. She just had to retrain her brain.

The second morning, things were better. She had kept her window open at night to familiarize herself with the sounds of the city again. She was making progress and once again, was thankful that most of her time in service hadn’t been dealing with active missions. She was faring well and was pleased with herself.

She knew those instincts to duck and go for cover weren’t going away anytime soon, but with each recurring sound, her reaction was decreasing more and more. She was home, she was safe.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

Today, Maggie went earlier than normal for her walk, intending to head over to Kara’s and Winn’s afterwards. 

Winn had explained to her that for a while, Kara had been skeptical about her. She’s extremely protective of her sister and didn’t want Maggie to end up hurting her, intentionally or not. But after Donovan had died, Kara had been concerned about someone having Alex’s back the way he did, which Maggie proved she did. 

On a few occasions, it saved both of their lives knowing that they had someone on their six. They were able to rely on each other for missions as well as the other times when they just needed a friend. Kara could see that, even through skype, which is why they extended their home to her almost three days ago and have no intention of leaving Maggie high and dry. Kara was so grateful that Maggie had been there for Alex. Anyone willing to protect Alex and have Alex protect them, was a part of their family. That’s just how it went in the world of the Danvers. 

And that’s how Maggie found herself sitting at Kara’s dining room table after her walk, right next to Kara waiting for the skype call to be answered. It was time for Alex’s weekly skype session with her sister, and until further notice, with Maggie too.

Sure enough, moments later, Alex’s smiling face showed up.

“For the record,” Alex began, “it is so weird to see the two of you together on the other side of this screen.” 

It was early in the morning in National City, but the time didn’t bother Maggie. Her body was still used to the time zone she was in, in Afghanistan. The second reason Maggie was so awake was that she was excited to be spending another day with Kara. She was going to go to work with her at her shop today. She’d be just hanging out and offering her help wherever it was needed, but it was something. She needed something to do and some kind of routine if she was going to start adjusting back into civilian life. Kara wasn’t going to complain about the extra help either.

“Just a little under four weeks left, Danvers. Then none of us will have to talk through a screen. We can make regular phone calls and send texts.” 

Alex smiled at them. “Kara, you’re going to get such a massive hug when I land. I’ve missed your hugs and sister cuddles so freaking much.” 

“Believe me Alex, if I could reach through this computer and hug you, I would’ve done it three years ago when we started Skype calls again… Or done that during your first tour.” 

“That is very true…” Alex looked over at Maggie, “are Winn and my sister treating you well?”

Maggie nodded, showing her dimples. “Yeah, they are. I never knew it was possible for pancakes for dinner to be so delicious. We ate in here on my first night back.”

Alex laughed, “pancakes and breakfast food, they can do. Just don’t let her try to cook anything else for you. The fire department is fairly familiar with them at this point.” 

“Hey!” Kara shouted in mock offense, pouting. “I’ll have you know that I’ve been getting better at cooking, thank you very much! Winn and I have both been taking classes.”

“Wow… Really?” Alex asked. As far as she knew, Kara and Winn were both happy eating takeout forever. They both ate like children on a spree when their parents aren’t home. “What made you want to start doing that?”

Kara shrugged, “Mom may have came here and dragged us…” A sheepish smile grew on her face.

Alex snorted, “of course Mom did.”

“I’m planning on trying out some of my new-found skills on this one,” she said pointing with her head at Maggie, “hopefully tonight. Last week we learned how to make this amazing breaded fish. It was even edible!”

Both Alex and Maggie chuckled at her excitement. Maggie guessed that expressing such excitement over breaded fish meant that they really had been terrible cooks.

“Well maybe I can give you a few tips too.” Maggie suggested. “I’m not too terrible of a cook… Not too shabby at baking either. If you’re up for cupcakes, I can make some tonight.”

“Stopppp, now I want cupcakes!” Alex whined. 

“Well I’ll make you your own batch when you get back here!” Maggie said to her.

Alex was going to say something else but stopped when someone’s head popped into her tent. Alex stood immediately at attention. “Danvers, we need you. Now. New intel and we gotta jump on it.” Alex nodded and he disappeared.

“I gotta go.” Alex said to the two women. 

“Okay, I love you Alex. Be safe.” Kara said to her. 

“Love you too sis… See ya Mags.” 

“Bye Danvers.”

… 

_Later, they all would come to regret not saying more._

… 

“Major, I think we need another day to pull this off properly.” Alex said to Major McNeil. “I don’t like the intel we have. We’re essentially flying blind. This isn’t the person I want to go after without being fully prepared.”

“We might be flying blind Danvers, but if we don’t move now, they’ll be gone. This guy has slipped past us several times already. Tomorrow will be too late and you know it. You’ve got roughly four hours before this needs to happen. I’m sorry, Danvers, but this is above me. This target needs to be acquired or taken out.”

Alex took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He was right, and they weren’t really given a choice with this. But that didn’t mean Alex was happy going in somewhere that hadn’t been fully scoped out. “Alright, we’ll be ready to go in four hours.” They nodded at each other before Alex left the tent.

… 

“I want everyone to use extreme caution when carrying out this mission… More so than normal. We don’t want to take any chances when it comes to this guy.” Alex said to everyone before they headed into the waiting helicopters.

… 

“Everyone in position?” Alex whispered through the comms. She got the affirmative from each designated person in response. “Entering now,” she said before they silently entered the house that was at the edge of a destroyed town. 

The teams quickly and efficiently eliminated all of their targets as they came across them. After months of evading them, they were finally able to eliminate their target, the ringing of bullets ending into the quiet night. It hadn’t been easy by any means. Quick and efficient didn’t equate to easy. Gunfire had been exchanged but they were all taken out. 

But something didn’t feel right. Nothing about this mission, from the briefing until now, felt right. They knew everyone had been taken out. It was just them left alive in the house.

Alex took out her comms as did a few of the soldiers around her. “Something feels wrong. Be careful looking for intel. This guy doesn’t seem like one to go quietly.” After receiving nods, Alex followed Matthews out of the room and down the stairs. He took one room and she took the next.

Nothing in the room she was in could offer anything of value, so she went to find Matthews when he called out for her.

“You find something?” She asked, entering the last room. It was significantly larger than any of the others in the house. It looked like it would’ve been a meeting area, but it was cleared of tables and chairs. Everyone else was already starting to clear out of the house, taking with them the notebooks they found.

“Yeah, look at these markings on the ceiling.” He said pointing up. She looked up from the doorway. It almost looked like it was a playbook that extended down.

Matthews continued to wander and look around, not watching his steps. There was a rug across the floor, and as Alex looked closer, something didn’t look right.

She saw it too late and had no time to say anything before Matthews’ foot was ready to take the next step. He wouldn’t stop in time… She was right when she said what she did upstairs. There was no way that guy would go out quietly.

Her blood ran cold and she dove at him.

… 

Everyone dove for cover when an explosion rang out through the night. Guns at the ready, the soldiers couldn’t locate any enemies. The explosion had come from inside the structure, causing a section of it to collapse.

Anti-Personnel Mine.

One of the soldiers, Marcus, realized that two of them were missing: Danvers and Matthews.

 

**… … … … … … … …**

 

_**“… Tourniquet!!! … Disloca-- … --oulder … Losing! … Keep-- … --wake!”** _

_**“You got-- … --hold on Al-- … --ld on!”** _

The ringing and shouting were beyond disorienting. Nothing felt like it was connecting in her head. The movement made her feel like she was floating above the ground, people blurring around her. The night sky was above her and there were muffled sounds of chopper blades that were a lot closer.

“Marcus! Get her talking!”

_**“… --vrs … Danv-- … --ers … Danvers! …”** _

Marcus’ face came into view, blurry, but Alex could still see who it was. She was still really confused. 

“Soccer or football?” He asked, but it was too muffled to understand.

At Alex’s growing confusion, he asked again. “Soccer or football?”

“S-soccer?” Alex answered. 

Marcus smiled, or that’s what it looked like. Alex couldn’t really tell. “You ever play it? You look like you could.”

“S-school, ‘n college.” She answered. She was growing more and more tired. She didn’t understand what was happening or why this seemed like the most important conversation Marcus has ever had with someone.

“I knew it. What position?”

Alex’s eyes were closing. “T-tired.” She just wanted to sleep.

“ _No, Danvers!_ I’ve got a bet going! I’ve got twenty bucks on the line! What position did you play?” Marcus tried again getting her attention.

“F-forw-ward. S-sometimes d-def-fense. Al-always badass.” Alex smiled weekly, or she thought she was smiling. _She used to play in the yard at home in Midvale. She’d play with her dad and Kara. Her mom would always have fresh lemonade and snacks for them when they were done. She’d cheer them on and keep score while they ran around in that summer sun…_

Alex felt like she was flying. Was she flying?... She thinks she might’ve broken her promise to Maggie. She’s sorry… She’s really sorry.

_**“Danv-- … --ers! … --anver-- … D-- …”** _

__

_PAIN._

__

… Nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember, Alex Danvers will not die.


	14. Notifying the Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: There are mentions and descriptions of the previous mission, mentions of serious injuries, and mentions of an explosion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: There are mentions and descriptions of the previous mission, mentions of serious injuries, and mentions of an explosion.
> 
> Sorry about the wait. To hopefully make up for it, this chapter is twice the length of the longest one I've posted.
> 
> All mistakes are my own. If you see something that should be corrected, please point it out.

_**National City, California:** _

“What’s with that look on your face Little Danvers? Something wrong?” Maggie asked Kara when she saw a frown on her face. Sunny Kara Danvers didn’t take her as a person to frown. It was just about lunchtime at Kara’s flower shop, and they were getting reading to sit down. 

So far, Maggie had been really enjoying herself helping out Kara. She had missed seeing flowers and all things green. It reminded her of why she loved keeping bonsai trees. She made a mental note to get another one when she got back to National City in May.

“I don’t know…” Kara said with a far off look. “... You ever get one of those feelings where something is just off? I feel like something’s wrong but I don’t know what…” 

Maggie shrugged, “I know the feeling. Did you forget something at your house?” 

Kara was looking more puzzled by the minute. “It’s not that. I feel like I should call Winn and call Alex…”

 

Kara picked up her phone and dialed Winn.

 _\-- “Hey baby, what’s up?”_ He asked when he picked up.

_\-- “Hey, everything alright with you? I’ve got a weird feeling and wanted to see how you were.”_

_\-- “I’m all good here. Just about to take my lunch break. Want me to come join you for lunch? Are you feeling okay? It’s not the--”_

_\-- “No, no.”_ Kara reassured him. _“It’s not them.”_ Kara subconsciously dropped a hand to her stomach. _“Yeah, I’d like that a lot, if you’d come for lunch. I’ll see you in a few minutes. Love you.”_

 _\-- “Love you too,”_ Winn said before ending the call.

 

“All good?” Maggie asked when Kara lowered the phone. She was pretty sure she wasn’t supposed to know what Kara had just reassured Winn about so she didn’t say anything. 

“Yeah… He’s fine.” Kara picked up her phone and dialed another number. A minute later, she hung up that call. “Mom’s fine too…” 

Kara got up and shook her head, pacing back and forth. “Kara, woah, how about you just sit down a second and talk this through.” Kara was reaching a level close to panic. She nodded and took a deep breath sitting back down at the table.

“Okay. Now tell me what’s going on in your head.” Maggie said to her. 

“The last time I felt off and weird like this was when Alex lost Donovan and got shot… I didn’t know why I felt that way until I saw the article come out a day later… I feel like something’s wrong with Alex.”

Maggie nodded slowly and sat back in her chair. She ran a hand over her mouth and stuck her thumb nail between her teeth in thought. Alex had been taken away from their skype call that morning. Interruptions like that only happen when they need to act quickly at night. 

Maggie knew there was that one guy that always seemed to slip away before they got there. She knew that it was entirely possible that they had found him and were going to go after him as soon as they could. That timeline would fit with a late night/early morning mission around now or about an hour ago. 

She didn’t say a word, afraid of how Kara would react. It was a very real chance that something could have gone wrong. And if it did, they wouldn’t hear about it for several hours anyway. But the more Maggie thought about it, the more worried she became. She was very grateful at this moment for having a good poker face while her stomach felt like it was sinking.

Winn joined them for lunch not long after Maggie had gotten Kara to sit down and relax some. She had poked around her sandwich but didn’t do much else. Kara was too worried about the way she was feeling about Alex to eat. Kara couldn’t sit still, so she got up again.

“Kara, I know you’re concerned. I am too, but there’s nothing we can do right now until she answers your messages.” Maggie said to Kara when she started pacing. 

“Honey, she’s right. You can be worried, but you still need to sit down and eat lunch. You need to relax some.” Winn said as he got up and stepped into her path. He put his hands on her shoulders and looked her in the eyes. 

“Deep breath, please.” He said to her. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath in, letting it out slowly. When she opened her eyes again, Winn smiled, “that’s my girl.” He kissed her lightly on the lips and led her back to the table.

“Maybe you want to take the rest of the day off? Close up shop early? You should try to take it easy…” Winn suggested. If Kara was this distracted now, he wasn’t sure she would be able to keep working. That, and she needed her stress levels to go down. Maggie wasn’t convinced either. The more worked up Kara got, the more anxious Maggie got. 

“No, no I’m fine.” Kara shook her head. “Working will help to pass the time…”

So that’s what she did. Kara and Maggie did twice the work they thought they were going to do just to stay busy, all while Maggie kept an eye out for Kara. 

… 

As the work day went on, Kara gradually began to relax more. Maggie and Winn had been right earlier. Even if something was wrong, there wasn’t anything that she could do about it. Kara and Alex could always just tell when something was off or wrong with the other. Eliza called it their twin sense even though they weren’t twins or biologically related at all. It was their special connection. She just hoped that since she was relaxing more, it meant Alex was okay. 

Kara was looking forward to a warm bath when she got home. That would help her really calm down. She already knew Winn would have one ready for her. It was something that he would do after she had a long or stressful day at work. It’s the little things like that, that made her fall in love with him in the first place.

… 

_**Afghanistan:** _

Major McNeil watched as doctors and nurses buzzed around the trauma hospital on base. He had been on the mission with Alex after pushing them into it so fast. He wanted to see personally that their target was finally brought in or eliminated. He felt directly responsible for them being in this situation even though the call hadn’t been his. 

He went over that mission in his head over and over again. He had Alex take the lead like usual. She had controlled the mission and carried it out perfectly as always. Nothing should’ve been in that house that would’ve done this.

And then he had turned his back and left the house to meet up back at the helicopters. He had turned his back for only a minute. 

When Marcus had realized and shouted that Danvers and Matthews were both still inside what was left of the far room, McNeil had taken off towards the rubble. They had already cleared the perimeter when they arrived, so he knew that part was fine.

He had found Alex on top of Matthews, protecting him. His best guess from the way they were laying was that Alex had thrown herself at him in an attempt to save him. The state they were both in… 

McNeil shook his head trying to rid the memory from his thoughts. He just hoped and prayed they’d come out alive. 

… 

McNeil stood up from his seat when he saw one of the surgeons walking towards him. It had been hours since both Alex and Matthews were flown in. 

“Well?” He asked.

The surgeon sighed and gave him a sad smile, “I think she’s going to live… Her heart stopped twice and the blood loss was substantial, like, _hypovolemic shock,_ kind of blood loss… But she’s a fighter. She’s not out of the woods, but by the hour, her odds are increasing with more blood and fluids. She’s got a very long road ahead of her… And until she can get to a proper medical center, we won’t know the full extent of her injuries.” 

“And Matthews?” 

The surgeon lost a little of his enthusiasm. “He’s alive… He’s got extensive bruising along his back and severe swelling in his brain from a concussion. I’m not sure his helmet was secured properly with the damage he has… Only time will tell for him… They’re both lucky. I’ve seen what some of the more sophisticated anti-personnel mines can do.”

“Lucky,” McNeil muttered. “They’re lucky to be alive, yes. But they’re not lucky… Danvers was going home in three weeks in one piece. Matthews is just a kid who may never wake up or function again… That’s not lucky.”

The surgeon nodded gravely at what he said. He knew just as well as McNeil about what was lucky and what was tragedy. 

McNeil stood up straighter, “there’s a C-17 bound for Germany waiting for them. If they can be moved, I want them there for that flight.”

The surgeon nodded, “they’re being prepped as we speak, Major.” 

McNeil shook his hand, “thank you for getting them a step closer to home. You’re doing great work here. I know their families will appreciate it.”

… 

_**Midvale, California:** _

Tonight, Eliza Danvers was out on her second date with Michael Richards. A real, actual date. 

It had been ten years since Jeremiah’s death and to be honest, she was lonely in Midvale. She was in a large house that once occupied four people. Going from that to just one wasn’t easy. At first she had just thrown herself into her research. It was something that she always did, and her girls do it too. But after several years rolled on by, the quietness got to be a little too much. 

Neither Kara nor Alex knew that Eliza had been on a few dates. Michael hadn’t been the first guy she’d dated since Jeremiah’s death. In fact, Eliza specifically hadn’t told her girls about him because both Kara and Alex had him as one of their science teachers in high school. He had decided to leave teaching and go back into lab work. That’s where he and Eliza crossed paths again. 

He was a good teacher to both of her girls. He had been a big help after Jeremiah died by letting Alex use his room to escape when she needed to. It’d been five years now since he lost his wife, so he was on the same page that Eliza was. The only exception there was that he never had children. Neither he nor his wife had ever desired any of their own. They were both school teachers and were happy with just teaching rather than having their own.

Eliza wasn’t going to tell her daughters about Michael unless this became a real recurring thing. She definitely wasn’t going to let Alex know right away. Eliza knew how much her father meant to her and still means to her. She wasn’t sure Alex would ever be okay with the idea of her dating again. It was definitely a topic that had to be dealt with delicately if and when the time came.

“So how are your girls doing?” Michael asked. They had the patio of the restaurant almost to themselves. It was beginning to empty as the hour grew later. They decided that they were going to split some desert after having such a successful week at work.

“They’re good. Kara is doing well with her shop… She’s anxiously awaiting Alex coming home. We all are… One of Alex’s friends actually just rotated home. She’s been spending the last few days with Kara and Winn and helping out at Kara’s shop.”

Michael nodded along with what she was saying. He felt sympathetic for the Danvers family. He knew it hasn’t been easy for Eliza on this last tour. “I’m sure you all want her home. That’s great that Alex’s friend has been spending time with Kara. How’s Alex doing?”

Eliza sighed, “well, she wants to be home. The last few weeks are always the hardest for her… After being away for so long, the final weeks almost seem unbearable. It was like that for her first two tours as well.”

“Is she all healed up now after that one mission?”

“Yes,” Eliza nodded. “Yeah, she was cleared for full missions again last week… There’s nothing my Alexandra hates more than being sidelined and waiting to recover. She’s never been an easy patient.” 

Michael nodded with a smile, “she’s always been too stubborn for her own good… So you said you’ve got plans to go to National City?”

Eliza nodded, “yes. I’m heading up so I can be there when Alex steps off the plane. That, and it’s been a few weeks since I’ve gone to see Kara and Winn. It’ll be nice to all be under the same roof again. It’s been too long.” 

Michael was going to say something else but was interrupted when Eliza’s phone rang.

Eliza held up a hand, “sorry, let me turn that off.” She pulled out her phone with every intention of muting it, but froze when “U.S. Government” showed up as the name. 

 

“I… I have to take this.” She said before leaving the table and exiting the patio to stand outside of the restaurant. 

 

 _\-- “Hello?”_ Eliza answered.

 _\-- “Hello, is this Dr. Eliza Danvers?”_ A man asked on the other end.

 _\-- “This is she,”_ Eliza confirmed, holding her breath.

_\-- “Dr. Danvers, this is Wyatt Heins of the United States Army. I am calling to inform you that your daughter, Staff Sergeant Alexandra Danvers, was injured in combat today.”_

Eliza opened and closed her mouth a few times, unsure of what to say. All other times Alex had been injured, she’d gotten a call from Alex herself. She’d always been able to call to let her and Kara know. If she was being informed from someone else, that meant Alex couldn’t herself. 

Eliza gripped onto the restaurant patio railing for support. Michael was watching all of this unfold from their table and flagged down their waitress for the check. He couldn’t hear the conversation, but he knew enough from body language that this wasn’t good.

_\-- “Ma’am. Are you still there?”_

\-- Eliza cleared her throat, _“yes. I’m still here… How injured is she?”_

_\-- “She was critically injured, ma’am… At this time, she is being flown to a hospital in Landstuhl, Germany to be further evaluated. She was stable enough to be flown out… I’m sorry, but at this time, I do not have any further details about her condition other than she is currently stable but critically injured.”_

_\-- “How long until she reaches the hospital in Germany?”_ Eliza asked, trying to remain calm, but failing. She couldn’t lose her. She couldn’t lose Alex.

_\-- “The plane will be landing within the next several hours. Once she’s on the ground and reevaluated, I will provide you with an update on her condition.”_

_\-- “Is it possible that if she is declared stable, she will be coming home?”_

Eliza could hear him sigh quietly on the other end of the line. It wasn’t out of boredom or annoyance, it was coming from a place of sympathy and someone who couldn’t give all of the details yet. She could tell he wasn’t sure.

_\-- “At this point, it all depends on what they say when she lands. From what I can see from her orders, it is a possibility that she will be on a plane home as soon as she is deemed able… I don’t know if or when that would be, though… Soldiers labeled ‘critically injured’ usually do not go back to combat right away, if at all. I want to stress that I cannot promise anything at this time.”_

Eliza ran a hand over her face and closed her eyes tight. What he really couldn’t promise is that Alex would be coming home soon, or even alive, at this point. Everything was riding on that evaluation in Germany.

 _\-- “Alright, thank you…”_ Eliza paused before continuing. _“Are you the one who is informing my daughter next?”_

 _\-- “Yes, ma’am.”_ He confirmed. There were only two people in Alex’s file to be informed. Eliza Danvers being the mother, and Kara the sister. They were written out as such.

_\-- “When you tell her, please make sure she is not alone, or at least sitting down? She should have someone with her to help her stay calm and process this. Let her know that I am on my way to her, please. I’ll be staying at her residence in National City until there is more information on my daughter’s condition.”_

_\-- “I will, ma’am… If there is nothing else, I will let you start your preparations for your trip to National City. I will be in touch with you as soon as I receive information… If you have any questions in the meantime, you may call me at this number…”_ He listed out a specific number with an extension that Eliza memorized.

 _\-- “Take care.”_ He said before they hung up.

 

Eliza took a minute to digest everything that just happened. She took several deep breaths trying to calm her heart rate and stomach. She needed to get home to pack and then needed to get to National City. 

Her priority was getting to Kara. Her second motive for getting to National City was that it held a major airport that could have her enroute to Germany easily should that be the next step.

One more deep breath and Eliza headed back to the table. She held her hands together, trying to get them to stop shaking. 

“I’m sorry Michael, but I need to go home right now.”

He nodded and stood up. “I already took care of the check…” And he guided her to his car. He had picked her up for the date, so he was also her ride home.

Michael was almost too afraid to ask, but curiosity go the better of him as he turned out of the parking lot. “What was the phone call?” 

Eliza swallowed thickly, “it was someone from the army… Alex is currently on her way to a hospital in Germany… He said that she was critically injured in combat… I-- I need to pack and go to Kara. If I leave in the next hour, I-- I can be there before midnight…”

Eliza Danvers was typically the image of calm and collected, but right now she was unravelling.

Michael took a hand off of the wheel and put it on Eliza’s. There really wasn’t much he could say to make her feel better. He couldn’t say that Alex wasn’t going to be alright. Nothing was guaranteed at the moment. The only thing he could offer was, “Alex is a fighter. We both know that.” 

So Eliza took that and held onto it.

… 

Michael had offered to drive Eliza to National City that night, but she politely turned him down. While she greatly appreciated the sentiment behind it, she didn’t need him being reintroduced to her family at a time like this. All priority had to be on her daughters, specifically Alex. They could revisit the idea of him being brought up at a later time if they were still seeing each other. 

So, Eliza was frantically packing anything and everything. She had no idea how long she’d be in National City. She had weeks and weeks of vacation piled up, and if need be, she could work remotely. 

She was grabbing paperwork, official documents of Alex’s. They had them put into Eliza’s safe when Alex deployed this last time. There were instructions in there for if she were ever seriously injured or killed. There were phone numbers for her insurance and support numbers to call. All of it was there and currently being thrown into Eliza’s suitcase along with everything else. 

Her final stop was in Alex’s childhood bedroom. She was looking around to see if there was anything that she thought Alex might want or need. At this point, all of Alex’s favorite items were in National City.

Eliza took the extra blanket off of Alex’s bed and turned to leave when something caught her eye. Over on the bookshelf, there was a medium sized stuffed puppy that Alex had gotten when she was only six years old. She walked over and took it off the shelf, sitting on the end of the bed with it in her hands.

She remembered it as if it was yesterday… She and Jeremiah had taken Alex to the carnival that came every fall in Midvale. Alex had seen the stuffed puppy sitting up with the other prizes and fell in love with it. Eliza hadn’t wanted to spend the money on the game, but Jeremiah couldn’t resist their daughter’s plea for it.

It took him five attempts at the game before he finally won it. He could’ve bought her one from the store for less than the amount he paid to play, but it was all worth it to see the look on Alex’s face. She had been so happy about it that she smiled for days. Jeremiah and Eliza thought she could’ve lit up the night sky with her smile.

It was half the size of Alex at the time and she called it Astro. Astro, because she looked at the stars with her dad at night, astronomy, and she thought the idea of naming the dog “Starry” was _"stupid."_ Even at the age of six, Alex was very sure of what she wanted and what was a good name and what wasn’t. She was always their little star, smart and shining at everything she did.

Eliza remembered the morning of Jeremiah’s funeral, she had found Alex much like she was sitting right now, holding Astro…

As the first tear slid down Eliza’s cheek, she pulled Astro into her chest, holding him as tight as she could… For five minutes, stoic Eliza Danvers allowed herself to break, allowed herself to feel and hurt and worry and be terrified. She could spare five minutes for that.

And when those five minutes were up, she stood up, wiped away her tears, and took Astro with her.

After sending off a quick email to her boss, Eliza loaded her bags into the car and headed for the highway.

… 

_**National City, California:** _

Kara and Winn were relaxing on the couch watching reruns of their favorite show. Maggie had stayed for an early dinner and then left to spend some time at her apartment. She enjoyed her time with Winn and Kara, but she definitely needed time away from people. She was used to minimal interactions and honestly, she was kind of a shy person. She needed her own time to herself.

So Winn and Kara were relaxing when the call came to Kara’s cell phone.

Kara thought she was going to pass out when the caller ID read “U.S. Government.” She looked over to Winn and he shut the TV off. 

“Breathe,” he instructed her. “They’re calling… Not knocking… That at least means something.” He nodded purposefully at her and Kara slowly returned the nod.

Kara swallowed before answering.

_\-- “Hello?”_

_\-- “Hello, is this Mrs. Kara Danvers-Schott?”_

_\-- “It is…”_ Kara put her phone down and hit the speaker button. _“I’ve got you on speaker. My husband is here with me…”_

That made it easier on their end knowing that Kara already had someone.

_\-- “Mrs. Danvers-Schott, this is Wyatt Heins of the United States Army. I am calling to inform you that your sister, Staff Sergeant Alexandra Danvers, was injured in combat today.”_

Kara couldn’t have told you what happened after that. Winn had taken over the conversation when tears started falling down her cheeks. 

The call went almost the same as Eliza’s. He had said that he would remain in contact and that Eliza was on her way to them. He gave them the number to use and ended the call, leaving the couple to process the information.

Winn held onto Kara as she cried and cried. She was terrified for her sister… He held her and rocked her and kept her from hyperventilating. 

After some time, Kara began to calm enough for Winn to go get her a glass of cold water. He was scared for his big sister too, after all, that was what Alex meant to him. But right now, he needed to make sure his wife was okay… As okay as she could be.

“Will you be alright while I go put the sheets in the laundry and prep the guest room for Eliza?” Winn asked her when a bit of color started returning to Kara’s cheeks.

When she nodded, Winn headed up the stairs, calling Eliza in the process.

… 

This was most definitely _not_ the way Maggie ever imagined meeting the matron/matriarch of the Danvers family. 

She had received a call from Winn as she was dozing off with her head on her desk. The jetlag was really throwing her body for a loop… 

After having her earlier fears confirmed, Maggie really wanted a stiff drink. Unfortunately but also fortunately, she hadn’t made time to stop and pick up alcohol since she’d been back. Winn had invited her over, which Maggie had initially declined. She didn’t want to intrude on a time that should be just for family, but Winn insisted. Kara had also insisted and wanted her to come over, knowing just how much Alex meant to Maggie too. 

So that’s how Maggie found herself greeting the one and only Dr. Eliza Danvers at almost midnight… 

After hugging Kara and Winn, Eliza surprised her by greeting her with literal open arms. It was nice, but Maggie wished it wasn’t under these circumstances… She really really wished that it hadn’t been because of this.

… 

_**Landstuhl, Germany:** _

The doctor turned to the military personnel that was handling Alex’s processing. “She needs another surgery to correct her arm, but she’ll have to wait for that. She can’t go under for another surgery this soon. She needs to survive the first twenty-four hours before I’d even think about dealing with it. It’s in her best interest to get that fixed a week from now after her body has recovered more and the swelling has gone down. It’s set as best it can be for now.”

The soldier nodded, “so what do you suggest for her future treatment?” 

The doctor looked around and sighed. “We don’t have enough beds at the moment… We’ve got our hands full after that attack in Iraq. We’ve had a steady stream of wounded coming in here… If she survives the next…” She looked at her watch and counted. 

“... If she survives the next seventeen hours, then she should be taken to the United States. Reality is, we can’t keep her here for a week waiting for her next surgery. Seventeen hours. If she doesn’t lose more blood and her vitals keep steady, she can go… Normally, I wouldn’t recommend moving her with the severity of her injuries, but my hands are tied here.”

“Alright,” the soldier nodded again. “I can give you fifteen hours. That’s when the next flight goes out… It’s that or two days from now.” 

After another look around and weighing the options, the doctor conceded. “Fifteen hours.” She signed the proper forms, attaching the newest update to Alex’s injuries and chart to it.

She turned to Alex’s unconscious form in the bed. If they kept Alex warm and alive for the next fifteen hours, she might just make it. The doctor walked up to her and pointed to her as if Alex could hear and see her. “Don’t you die on me… Survive the next fifteen hours and the trip home without bleeding out… You don’t get to die today… Or tomorrow. You make it out alive, you hear me?” 

Alex didn’t respond, but took in another breath with the ventilator. The doctor took that as a yes. 

… 

_**National City, California:** _

Maggie was nodding off to sleep on one of the chairs in Kara’s and Winn’s living room. Eliza was still wired and anxiously pacing in and out of Alex’s room in their house. Kara and Winn were on the couch struggling to stay awake. No one wanted to miss the next call about Alex’s status.

They had gotten word of her landing several hours ago in Germany. The last they knew, she was waiting to be evaluated. 

… 

At two in the morning, Eliza’s phone rang.

Everyone startled awake at the vibrating on the coffee table and Eliza answered.

_\-- “Hello? This is Dr. Danvers.”_

_\-- “And Kara!”_ She sleepily chimed in, saving the man from having to ask again if they were all there.

 _\-- “I have another update on Sergeant Danvers’ condition.”_ Wyatt said to them.

 _\-- “Go ahead,”_ Eliza said anxiously.

_\-- “I want you all to keep in mind that the first twenty-four hours are crucial. At any moment, her condition could change… With that being said, Sergeant Danvers is scheduled to be flown to Bethesda, Maryland at 0030 local time in Germany, Sunday morning. That’s at 3:30pm in National City, Saturday afternoon… This afternoon. Her situation will continued to be monitored, but they are doing their best to make sure she’s on that flight.”_

Wyatt paused looking at the notes before continuing.

_\-- “It appears that the doctor in Germany signed a specific form detailing that it is in Sergeant Danvers’ best interest for her family to help her through the recovery. We are willing to pay to send up to three family members to Maryland to be with her.”_

_\-- “Do you have an update on her injuries? Do we know exactly what we’re dealing with, yet?”_ Eliza asked. She was excited that Alex would be back on U.S. soil, but she still had no idea what shape her daughter was in other than the vague term of being “critically injured.”

Everyone shifted forward to hear the details better. No one dared breathe as they waited.

_\-- “I do not have her full medical report, but the updated information that I have been given is that Sergeant Danvers had a traumatic amputation of her right leg in the field. She has suffered numerous broken bones, bone bruises, and a dislocated shoulder… I know that’s not a lot of detail, and but that’s all I have for you at this time… Assuming you want to fly to Maryland to help with her recovery, the doctor taking over her case will be able to give you the full rundown.”_

It was silent as everyone took in the information. Alex was permanently handicapped. 

They all knew it was going to be bad, but theorizing what it was going to be versus hearing it out loud… It was a lot to handle. Even now, just hearing it through the speaker of a cell phone, they couldn’t quite grasp the full meaning of it.

Eliza Danvers was a professional at compartmentalizing at this point in her life. After the initial shock, she continued on the conversation. Stoic. She had to be. She needed to know as much as possible before preparing to fly across the country.

 _\-- “What are the chances of Alex getting moved to National City for care? If she’s physically able to make that trip when she gets back to the States, can she be transferred?”_ Eliza asked him.

_\-- “That depends on several factors. It could take weeks before she is cleared for a transfer back to National City.”_

_\-- “My Alexandra isn’t going to recover well that far from home. I’m saying it now. I don’t know if you can do anything, but I’m going to say it anyway… She has been gone from home for seventeen months now on this last deployment… In the last nearly three and a half years, she's only spent five months at home... These last few weeks have been slowly eating at her because she was so close to to the end. Her family is here, her life is here… If she wakes up in Maryland and has to stay there for weeks, she will. Not. Get. Better. She needs to be home… This isn’t for me, it’s for her. I could stay in Maryland for as long as it takes, but that doesn’t mean she’ll be okay with that… She’s a stubborn and proud woman. Waking up there will destroy her recovery before it even begins.”_

Eliza couldn’t stress enough just how much Alex needs to be in California for this.

_\-- “I’ll see what I can do, ma’am… I cannot promise anything… I will make a couple calls and see if a transfer is even an option… In the meantime, are you and Mrs. Danvers-Schott interested in flying to Maryland to meet Sergeant Danvers when she lands?”_

_\-- “I will be yes.”_

Eliza turned to Kara. 

_\-- “Me too, please!”_ She chimed in. She could afford a couple days away from her shop. It could function without her for a little while.

_\-- “Of course. Someone else will be in touch with you later on this morning or early afternoon… I will call you with another update when I get one… But until then, get as much rest as you can. I’ll look into seeing if, or how soon, Sergeant Danvers can be transferred… Goodnight.”_

Doing the exact opposite of what he suggested, both Maggie and Eliza got up reaching for their phones. Winn and Kara looked on, confused as to what was happening. 

The information really wasn’t sinking in with any of them. Right now, it was just words. Alex’s injuries weren’t going to feel real until they saw them themselves.

“I’ll make a few calls and see what I can do,” Maggie said holding up her phone. 

Eliza smiled and hugged her, “thank you.”

It wasn’t much, but it was what Maggie had to offer. She’d call in every favor she could think of to get Alex home to National City. Alex deserved to be home for all that she had done.

… 

It was not quiet in the Danvers-Schott residence that night. For what remained of the night, Eliza was on the phone with Alex’s insurance talking about fees and hospitals. There were mentions of which hospitals were approved and the lack of beds available at their normal VA hospital. 

Eliza thought of everything under the sun that she could say to sway them in her favor. 

If Alex would be transferred to National City, they’d pay less in hospital fees than if she were in Maryland. Alex would recover quicker having them all by her side permanently and have full time help available to her by her family. It would probably help her get discharged earlier being surrounded by familiar settings. 

Eliza asked about the families of the people she spoke to over the phone and tried to relate to them, make them feel a little more sympathetic. Eliza knew the likelihood of any of this actually working was minuscule, but if she didn’t ask, the answer would always be no. She had to try.

… 

Maggie had been striking out. A few of her favors she called in said they could try, but they didn’t know people high enough to get something like that passed.

…  
Eliza got the insurance to approve a transfer after making enough compelling arguments. They’d cover the medical transfer and the costs at National City General. It’s amazing what being nice to the people on the other end of the phone can get you.

Winn had guided an exhausted Kara up to bed a few hours ago while all of this was going on. They couldn’t do anything right now to help, and Eliza insisted that they rest. At least that way the two of them would have a solid, rested head on their shoulders for that day.

… 

The sun was starting to rise when Maggie and Eliza looked wearily at each other. Unless they could find someone to sign off, Alex would be in Maryland for the next several weeks to months. It would be painful and hard for all of them.

Eliza made them coffee while they sat in silence trying to think of what else to do. Eliza knew there was one person she could call, but she wasn’t sure they’d pick up. She only had their regular cell phone and landline… 

Suddenly, Eliza shot off the couch and tore apart her suitcase. She’d never managed to get it upstairs, and had left her other bags in the car. This one was the most important and was still sitting in the living room. 

Alex’s files were then displayed on the coffee table. She dug out a small business card, smacking it down with emphasis. It was the number she needed.

He’d given it to Alex and Eliza saying that if they ever needed anything, to call that number specifically. He’d always answer their call.

Eliza jumped up, dialling the number and left the room. 

“J’onn?” Eliza asked. That was all Maggie could hear before Eliza went out the back door.

Not quite knowing what just happened, Maggie shifted in her seat to see the business card.

 _“Holy shit.”_ She said with her eyes widening. It was a personal number for Major General J’onn Jonzz.

…

Eliza came back inside with red rimmed eyes and a wide smile. She looked at Maggie and said, “she’s coming _home_.”


	15. Around the World and Home Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: I made three very slight changes to a few previous chapters, specifically in 1, 6, and 14. It has been pointed out that three years is too long for a tour. It doesn’t play a significant role in the story; however, I want this story to be as accurate as I can get it. I know mistakes are inevitable, research can only tell me so much, but if it’s something that I can adjust, I will try my hardest to do so.
> 
> With that being said, Alex’s first tour lasted nine months. Her second and third tours were done more or less back-to-back at eighteen months each with a five month break between them. A standard deployment is anywhere from six to nine months but can last as long as eighteen. Deployments with less than six months time between them are not common, but not unheard of. They don’t happen often because of the toll it takes on the soldiers. It’s not necessary to reread it all to look for the changes unless you want to. The other change that was made to accommodate the adjusted tours, is that Donovan’s son will be entering preschool rather than kindergarten.
> 
>  
> 
> As always, mistakes are mine. If you see something, let me know and I'll see what I can do about it.  
> Enjoy!

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/157827126@N03/42010834745/in/dateposted-public/)

 

One field medevac, three countries, 19 hours and 20 minutes of flight time, three hospitals, and a grand total of 9,449 miles and three days later, Alex was in her room in the ICU at National City General Hospital. Throughout all of this, Alex was completely unaware of what was going on around her.

Eliza had flown over to Maryland to meet up with Alex before the flight back to California. She was glad she did because Alex ended up staying in Maryland for an extra five hours. On the flight over, her blood pressure had dropped again and she got a low grade fever. She needed to be monitored just a little bit longer before taking that final flight. Kara had stayed behind in National City knowing that Alex would be on her way home with their mother by her side. 

It felt like it had taken forever to finally reach this point.

… 

The call they were all anxiously awaiting came on Sunday at 4:27pm. Eliza had called them from the ambulance. She and Alex were enroute to the hospital and were back in California. 

Again, Maggie had offered to let Kara and Winn have their time alone with Alex before she visited, but they were having none of it.

“Maggie, no,” Kara shook her head from the doorway. “You’ve been such a huge part of Alex’s life for the end of this last tour. We can’t ask you to stay behind. And besides, you’ve been keeping us sane for three days. We want you to come with us.” 

“You’re sure?” She asked them again.

“Absolutely,” Winn responded before practically dragging her out of the house towards their car. “But if you delay us any longer, Kara might just leave you behind.” 

Maggie turned just as Kara reached across and hit the horn of the car. In those thirty seconds, she’d gotten from the front of the house and into the car. She was ready to go.

Truthfully, Kara and Winn had grown significantly on her in the short six days that she’d been with them. The feeling was mutual as well apparently.

So they all piled into Winn’s car and sped off for the hospital. It was finally happening.

… 

When they got there and called into the ICU, only one more person could enter since Eliza was already in the waiting room. They were capping it at two people per patient. With no hesitation, it was an easy call to let Kara go through. After giving her a wave and an encouraging hug from each of them, Winn and Maggie headed off to the general waiting room on the first floor. 

They walked in silence as they went down the hall back towards the elevators. Although it was silent between them, the sounds of the hospital were certainly not quiet. They were sounds that they were all about to be closely acquainted with during Alex’s stay. There’s no doubt that they’re going to be here for a long time during her recovery.

As they neared the waiting room, something caught Maggie’s eyes. She stopped, causing Winn to stop and look back at her, a few paces ahead. Maggie took a second of deliberation before she glanced back at Winn. Not saying a word, she turned and stepped into the room. 

Not wanting to be alone or leave Maggie alone, Winn came over and looked at the plate on the door. “Chapel.”

It’d been many, many years since Maggie last stepped foot in a place/room like this. She was pretty sure that it was Jamie’s baptism being the last time. Once a second home, now long abandoned.

The room was empty at the moment, so she made her way up the aisle to the front. Had anyone been in there, she probably would’ve lost her nerve and walked out. 

Maggie knelt and picked up one of the battery operated candles, flipping the switch on. They were in a hospital after all, she didn’t expect them to have legitimate candles around. 

After placing the candle back down, she took another moment before choosing to sit in the third pew. Winn hesitated, but slid in next to her. 

“You know…” Maggie began quietly after a few minutes. “I used to go to church every Sunday when I was little… My parents would make me go every week and I used to look forward to it…” She trailed off with a longing tone to her voice, her eyes distant and in the past. Maggie shook her head before looking down at her lap.

“I figured it couldn’t hurt…” 

Winn, as awkward as ever but being the deeply caring person he was, tentatively reached out and put an arm around Maggie. She froze at the contact, but surprised the both of them by reaching up and holding onto his hand. She relaxed into him, taking in the support he was offering.

“What changed that?” Winn asked.

Maggie sighed and shrugged, “the usual family drama, I guess you could call it…” She liked Winn and was growing used to being around him and relaxing around him, but that was definitely not a story she wanted to get into right now.

Winn sighed too. He respected her choice not to open up more than that. They all had those skeletons in the closet. 

He chuckled humorlessly before shifting so they were both more comfortable. “I never had religion… I come from two scientists, not that all scientists are atheists or anything but, one of them abandoned me and the other one was crazy and died in jail after murdering people… Religion has never been a part of my life. They didn’t take me to church or anything like that… So it’s never really been on my side… You know, religion, prayer, it’s never worked out for me… _But…_ If there was ever a time to try, now would be it…”

So they both sat there in the solace of the chapel and prayed.

… 

Kara had met with Eliza in the waiting room. After giving her a big hug, she asked, “how is she?” 

Eliza calmly led her over to a chair and had her take a seat.

“Kara…” Eliza began slowly. “You need to be prepared when you go in there. The Alex in there on that bed is not going to look like the Alex you’re expecting… She has been through hell and back…”

“I’m sure I can handle it,” Kara tried to reassure her.

Eliza looked at her youngest skeptically. “Please, just whatever you’re imagining, triple it. I’d rather you expect worse and be relieved than not prepared enough…”

One of Alex’s doctors came into the waiting room just then. “You both can go see her now if you’d like. She isn’t awake yet. We’ve started to slowly wean her off sedation, but it could take several hours or even a couple days before she becomes more aware. It’s up to her now. She has a lot of drugs in her system, so you need to give it some time. You should talk to her while she’s like this as if you were having a normal conversation. It’ll help her to know you’re there even if she doesn’t really realize it right now. She may even hear you.” 

“Thank you,” Eliza nodded and smiled before the doctor left again. She turned to Kara, “you go ahead, sweetie. You can have some time alone with her. I’m going to get something to eat.”

With that, Kara got up and went to the designated room.

“Oh Alex,” Kara said brokenly, tears coming to her eyes and falling. She scrubbed them away quickly as more fell. Despite her mother’s forewarning, Kara still wasn’t expecting what she saw in front of her. 

Her sister was connected to so many wires and tubes. The ventilator she was connected to made everything look so much worse and scary. A special neck brace was in place to keep her neck stable and prevent any adverse effects of the brace with the ventilation. Her face was pale with a nasty cut stitched up under her right eye. The bruises were dark but fading around it. Her right arm was up in a sling with a large cast just barely visible. Her left arm was a mess of bandages that hid stitches and more bruising. Her left leg was propped up and in a walking boot. And what was even harder to take in was the lack of her right leg. The blanket just went flat much sooner than it should’ve. 

Alex’s hair was longer than she remembered it to be. It fell in uncoordinated waves down just past her shoulders. The bed was set so she was halfway between sitting up and fully laying down. In that bed, she looked smaller and younger than ever.

Kara sat down and ever so gently took Alex’s good hand making sure not to jostle any wires or tubes.

“Hey Lexie…” She said and took in a shaky breath. “I’ve missed you so much… Everyone’s here, you know? Mom, Winn, and Maggie. We’re all so worried about you…” 

Kara felt a little awkward talking to her like this but the doctor said that talking might help Alex feel more comfortable and potentially wake up sooner. There was something mentioned about studies showing that it was beneficial or something like that. That she might hear even while sedated. Kara was lacking on the details right now since she had tuned it out as soon as the doctor said they could see her.

“I’m glad you’re home… That’s where you are right now… In National City… Mom and Maggie fought for you to get the whole way here…”

Kara chuckled sadly and put her head down on the edge of the bed.

“I feel like I’m doing all of this wrong… I’m trying to convince you to wake up faster… I know you’ve got a lot of healing to do. I bet that’s exhausting… But I need you to wake up… You know you’re really scaring us, right?... Ever since I got this feeling and then the phone call…” Kara trailed off. 

She sighed and gave Alex’s hand a light squeeze. “I just want you to know, that no matter what, you’ll have all of us, okay? We’re here to support you and help you through this… You’ve made it this far, you can’t give up now. You’ve gotta fight through this recovery. None of us are leaving you alone to do this. You’re not getting rid of us…”

Kara glanced back at the door before resting her other hand on her own stomach. “You have to wake up, Alex. You know why?...” Her lip wobble and more tears fell. She didn’t bother wiping them away this time.

“Because you’re going to be an auntie…” She sobbed out. “I’ve been waiting to tell you because I wanted to do it in person… That’s why Mom is making Winn and I go to cooking classes.” She sniffled and covered her face with her other hand. 

“Mom said she didn’t want her grandbabies to eat like we do... Yeah, _babies._ It’s not just one baby… it’s twins… There will be two of them to spoil.”

She wiped away some of the tears from her eyes. “You’re either gonna have two nieces or nephews… I think they’re gonna be boys but Winn keeps saying it’s gonna be two girls… We still have a while before we find out though… He’s been so good throughout this with the morning sickness and mood swings… I’m at twelve weeks now…”

Kara sighed in desperation, “but Alex, these little babies are going to need their auntie… I know you’re tired and exhausted, and that’s okay. You’re allowed to rest. You don’t have to wake up just yet if you’re not ready, but I need my sister… We’re all really really worried right now…” She couldn’t stress that enough. They were all terrified, not knowing what they future held for her.

Not knowing what else she could say and suddenly finding herself at a loss for words, Kara just hung onto her sister’s hand. She was unsure of the amount of time she spent in that room. Nurses and doctors came in and out, occasionally having her move, but she stayed there resolute with her sister.

… 

Eliza had come to find Winn and Maggie. Kara was still in the room with Alex, but Eliza just assumed she’d stay there until someone came for her or she got kicked out. So she was going to send in one of them to go get Kara and swap turns. 

Eliza found them right where they had been for the past two hours.

“Hey,” she whispered to them as she approached. “One of you can go in to see her now.” 

Winn turned to Maggie and opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off before he could get the words out. “No, you go see her. I’ve got time… I saw her last week.” She patted his hand and leaned away from him so he could have his arm back.

Reality was, Maggie wasn’t ready to see Alex quite yet. She was unfortunate enough to know exactly what she would find when she walked into that room. She’d seen things like that happen before, but it was different now with Alex. This time it had an even deeper impact, if that was even possible. She needed just a little more time to prepare herself.

“Are you sure?” He asked her.

Maggie nodded, “yes. You’re her brother-in-law. You should go see her.”

Winn nodded and stepped out of the chapel leaving Eliza and Maggie alone. Eliza took the recently vacated seat next to Maggie. She looked on ahead as she spoke.

“I know the odds the doctors have given me. I know them myself, too… But her physical odds of recovery are only a part of the equation right now…” Eliza turned to look at Maggie. “I need to know what her odds are of _really_ recovering from this…”

Maggie sighed and deflated some. She shook her head, “I can’t say for sure. I’ve seen it go both ways… She’ll either never recover or she’ll bounce back. But Alex has a family behind her. She has a support system and she knows it… That will help significantly and sways her in the direction of success…”

Maggie gave her a sad smile, “Alex has a very long journey ahead of her. It will be ongoing and never end. She’s going to be faced with challenges for the rest of her life now both physically and mentally. I’m not sure she’s ever going to be a hundred percent… But like I said, she knows she has a team behind her. She just needs you by her side, even if she tries to push back.”

Eliza nodded slowly, “thank you… And thank you for having her back.”

Maggie nodded and ducked her head. She wished there was more she could do.

… 

“H-hey Alex…” Winn said as he came and took a seat next to Kara. Just like Kara, Winn wasn’t prepared for what her saw. This was the same big sister he’d come to know and love and have a healthy fear of, but he’d never seen her so vulnerable. 

Winn had never even seen her cry. At least, not that he was allowed to verbally acknowledge. (There was that brief moment at his wedding where he could’ve sworn he saw a tear in her eye as she hugged Kara, but he wasn’t allowed to speak of that moment.)

He put a hand on Kara’s back. She was currently asleep with her head on the bed facing towards Alex. He spoke softly so he wouldn’t wake her.

“You know, part of me feels like you’re going to jump off that bed and put me in a headlock like you used to… Or just hit me upside the head… That this is just one of your really elaborate pranks that goes along with your twisted sense of humor… But Alex, I’d do anything for you to jump up and tackle me or smack me or put me in a headlock right now…” He spoke sadly. 

All those things he used to dislike but love about Alex, he was deeply missing right now. She was a hard-ass to him but he knew she was that way because emotions weren’t her thing. Affection wasn’t her thing. The very point behind her sisterly tormenting was because she loved him just as much as he loved her. They’re family.

Alex was the final person that made him feel accepted into this family. He’d never been sure, but the night before his wedding, Alex had come up and hugged him.

> _“You be good to her, you hear? You’re my brother now but if you ever make her cry, I’ll beat you to a pulp.” He had nodded very quickly at that. He knew Alex was good on that promise. But she had surprised him with a hug and put her forehead to his. When she pulled back she reached and patted his arm. Not in the hard way she usually did, but in a softer more meaningful way. That was when they really became siblings._  
> 

Now he just wanted his sister to be okay.

“But hey, I can modify a controller and get you all set up with an xbox in here… I can make it so you only need one hand to play. Your other one looks a little banged up right now, but that’s no problem. I can play like that too to make it fair…” 

He paused and smiled, “I can play with you when you wake up… That’s probably not allowed in the ICU room, but when you get upgraded to a new one on a regular floor, I can totally hook you up. I’ve been practicing my Mario Kart skills for months waiting for you to come home just to play you. I can’t lose like I did last time… That was just embarrassing. And it got me a year’s worth of mocking…”

“You’re my sister, Alex. I’ve really missed you… Kara doesn’t know it yet, but I’ve already been thinking about how we can adjust our house so you can use it… We can put a ramp over the front steps. I can get railings put up in the bathroom on the first floor where your room is… You’ve got a place with us like you always have… It’ll be done before you even leave this hospital so you can’t object to the modifications. They’re minor, you don’t have to worry about it.”

Kara began to stir underneath his hand. Winn knelt down to be on a closer level with her. 

“Hey, baby,” he whispered to slowly bring her back awake.

“Winn?” She asked, rubbing her eyes. She sat up remembering where she was. She looked over all the monitors and back at Alex. Once she was convinced that nothing had changed with her sister, she turned her attention back to Winn. 

“What time is it?”

“Time for us to go find some dinner… Eliza said the food isn’t too terrible here.” He told her standing up and pulling Kara up with him.

“What about?..” She turned back to Alex.

“She’ll be fine. Maggie’s waiting for her turn. Alex won’t be alone.” He rubbed her back reassuringly. 

Kara would’ve fought a little harder but the rumble in her stomach would not be ignored. She nodded and with a light kiss to her sister’s hand, she left the room with Winn.

… 

Maggie had her head bowed in the pew when Eliza came in to get her. She was zoned out and lost in her thoughts. Eliza had gone out to sit in the regular waiting room a little while after sending Winn off, leaving Maggie to herself. 

“Maggie?” She asked, putting her hand on her shoulder.

“Hmm?” Maggie hummed back.

“It’s your turn to go in and see her if you’re ready.” Eliza said.

Maggie sat up straight and looked to see a comforting smile on Eliza’s face. Eliza Danvers, ever the brave one who could make everyone feel safe in a time of chaos.

When she got up, Eliza surprised her once again with a hug. “I’ll walk with you to the waiting room. Kara and Winn went to get food. I’ll be close by if you need to go or when you finish.”

… 

“Jesus, Danvers.” Maggie said when she stepped into the room. “Three days I’m gone, and this is what you get yourself into?...”

She took a seat and chuckled sadly. He eyes were wet with unshed tears. “You really couldn’t make it a week without me… How did you ever survive three deployments?”

The beeping of the machines was all that answered her. Maggie looked up at the screens displaying important information about Alex. She wished she could read them. She made a mental note to look up what everything meant later when she had access to her phone again. 

The room was certainly not quiet with all the working machines and their various sounds. They were rhythmic but in no way soothing.

“So I met your sister and brother-in-law… And your mom.” Maggie chuckled a little. “It’s a little early to meet the mother in my opinion… That’s something I’ve always tried to avoid in relationships…” Maggie trailed off. Her attempt at humor was falling flat to her own ears. There was only so much deflecting Maggie could do.

She shook her head and sighed, “we don’t have a name to what we are yet, Alex. We kissed a few times, and I expected to take you on a few dates. I was hoping to call you my girlfriend…”

Maggie took a seat and held onto Alex’s hand. “There’s so much potential for us. We’re just getting started, you and me… And when you wake up, I want you to be my girlfriend if you want to be mine… I want to date you… I’ve honestly never been so excited about a first date in my life… You’re a special one, Danvers, and I want to make you feel that way…” She trailed off and paused before continuing again.

“I want to sweep you off your feet and bring you flowers, if that’s the kind of thing you like… Or maybe we go play pool or something. I’m all for movies or tv shows for a night in…”

Maggie’s voice grew tighter and cracked as the emotions began to weigh on her. She’d been pushing them down as hard as she could, but even she had her breaking point. 

“I’m gonna kick your ass, Danvers, if you don’t wake up soon. If you die, I will pull a Frankenstein and revive you just so I can kill you again myself. You’ve got a whole team of people waiting for you to open those pretty eyes of yours…

“You can still be a chihuahua breeder or a math tutor or librarian or massage therapist… You can still be that mechanic if you want to be… But you need to wake up and get better to do that. And you’ve eight days before I take a flight to Metropolis. You need to be awake before then. I can’t leave without giving you hell about not staying safe… 

“You broke your promise to me. You weren’t supposed to come back this way… A-and I want to hate you for that, but I can’t.” A single tear slid down her cheek as she said it. “Not when you’re laying here like this… I’ve got your six, Alex. You won’t be alone…”

Maggie trailed off when a nurse came in to do another check. She quickly wiped away her fallen tear. It was the second time that this nurse had come in while Maggie was in there. There was no such thing as privacy in the ICU, and for good reasons. 

The nurse did her typical check but paused. Maggie’s concern grew when she left the room quickly only to return with Alex’s doctor. 

“Ma’am, we need to examine her, could you please go to the waiting room?” The doctor asked. 

Confused, Maggie still nodded and left the room. When an ICU doctor or nurse tells you to leave the room, you leave the room no questions asked.

“What’s going on?” Eliza asked when she saw the look on Maggie’s face.

“I-- I don’t know…” Maggie said shaking her head.

A moment later, they got their answer when the doctor came up to them.

“We cannot hold off on the surgery for Alex’s arm any longer. We’ll be taking her down in a few minutes when the OR is ready. The blood flow to her hand has decreased. If we wait any longer, there could be severe damage done to it. We’re looking at internal fixation to repair it.” She explained to them.

Eliza nodded, “okay.” She understood what would happen if that wasn’t fixed. Even the slightest jostle to the smallest bone fracture could cause a decrease in blood flow and irreversible damage if not treated. The doctor was right, this couldn’t wait. What had been fine two days ago, was no longer fine.

The nurse then came in and gave a nod to the doctor. 

“Sit tight,” she said. “It’ll be a couple hours.” 

… 

Kara had been understandably distraught after learning that her sister had been wheeled away for emergency surgery when she wasn’t there. Maggie had gone with Eliza to tell Kara and Winn seeing as now was the chance to get up and move around. The doctor had said that it could take a couple hours. There was no sense in sitting right there for all of it, at least for the first half. 

They found Kara and Winn still in the cafeteria finishing up their dinner. Maggie let Eliza handle that news while she went and found food for herself to eat. 

Maggie had picked out a sandwich that she could easily pull the cheese off of and grabbed a banana too. She waited patiently in the small line before it was her turn.

“So, how’s your day going?” The guy at the register asked her while he rang up her food.

Maggie snorted, “I bet you get some interesting answers asking a question like that in a place like this.”

He shrugged, “there are less tears than you think. Usually it’s the first time someone’s been asked that in a day. The people who come through this line aren’t the ones being asked 24/7. Just a little something to make them feel like they’re cared about too.”

Maggie nodded. He did have a point. She glanced over to see a very worried Kara now caught up on the news and sighed. 

“It’s been a rollercoaster,” she said finally answering him. She then paid for her obscenely expensive food and thanked him for his efforts. 

She came back to the table and took a seat next to Winn. “Uh… Where’d they go?” She asked in reference to the now vanished Eliza and Kara.

“Eliza stepped outside with her. They both needed the fresh air…” He said to her. “I was told to stay here and keep you company… Honestly, this all works a lot better since there are four of us. No one ever really has to be alone, especially when visiting the ICU.”

Maggie nodded, “I can see that.” She pulled the cheese off her sandwich preparing to eat it. She intended to just throw the cheese away like she normally did but Winn stopped her.

“Can I have it?” He asked with such hope in his eyes that Maggie couldn’t say no. 

She chuckled and held it out. “Have at it, kid. It’s all yours.”

Winn thanked her and happily ate it. “It’s the little things, you know?” 

“I guess it is…”

… 

Alex pulled through the surgery. It had taken them three hours to get the internal fixation into her arm and wrist and to repair the damage that they found. Again, the anesthesia would be wearing off, but it was another thing added to her system that would delay her waking up.

“Her oxygen levels are looking good. When she wakes up, we can start weaning her off the ventilator to see how she does.” The doctor informed them all after explaining what had been done during the surgery.

They were now back to waiting.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

_Beep…. …. Beep…. …. Beep…. …. Beep…. …._

Alex wasn’t quite sure what that annoying sound was but it was making her head pound. And that _ringing._ It was rather loud wherever she was. And… _Everything_ hurt. She didn’t think being dead was supposed to hurt like this… right?

 _Alex…. …._ She heard her name but it was really muffled. It almost sounded like she was underwater trying to hear. There that ringing was again.

_Alex, can you open your eyes?_

She didn’t want to. She wasn’t ready to open them yet. Was that Kara? But sleep was pulling her back under.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

_Beep…. …. Beep…. …. Beep…. …._

_Come on, you’re a badass Danvers… Be strong and wake up. It doesn’t have to be now, but you better. I’m here waiting for you with your sister, brother-in-law, and mother, for you to wake up. I’m persistent. I’m not going anywhere._

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

_Beep…. …. Beep…. …. Beep…. …._

_Come on, Alexandra. You’ve been so brave, and you’re doing so well, sweetie. We just need you to wake up for us._

Mom?

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

It had been nearly two days since Alex landed back in National City. She had technically woken up twice that morning, but she was nowhere near cohearent. The doctors assured the Danvers family that she should wake up properly soon… Once again, it was just a matter of time. That did little to calm their fears though. With the amount of trauma and blood loss Alex had sustained, her body was just trying to heal and protect itself. Add two surgeries onto that and the amount of drugs in her… It was just taking a while for it all to get through her system. Her vitals continued to slowly improve and hold steady at near normal levels. She was getting there.

Her body was at a point where it was really recovering. Some bruises were starting to fade around the very edges. It wasn’t much, but it was progress. Her blood pressure had come back to within normal range. It was on the low end, but still normal. Her oxygenation was good. She was already taking strides, even while unconscious, towards being extubated.

Between Winn, Kara, Eliza, and Maggie, Alex was never alone, not even at night. They did it all in shifts. 

She was making progress. Alex would wake up when she was ready.

… 

_Alex…. …. Come on sweetie…. …. Open your eyes for me._

That definitely sounded like her mom. There was light pressure on one of her hands. 

Come on sweetie, you can do it. We’re all waiting for you. Take your time. 

_Beep…. …. Beep…. …. Beep…. …. Beep…. …._

There was that annoying sound again. Why was there always beeping? And that ringing was getting louder.

Alex felt a light squeeze on her hand and she willed herself to squeeze back.

“She’s waking up!” Someone said excitedly… Sounded like Kara. It was still like she was underwater and her ears were ringing, but it had been loud enough to make her head hurt and spin. She would’ve groaned had her body cooperated with her.

There was a hand resting lightly on her face, rubbing her forehead. 

“That’s it. Come on, Alexandra. Open those beautiful brown eyes.” 

Alex furrowed her brow before peeking her eyes open. The lights were too bright and her head was swimming. She slammed her eyelids back down trying to make the offending light disappear again.

“There, sweetie, try again. The lights are dimmed.”

Alex did as instructed and opened her eyes slowly. Her mom and sister’s faces appeared in her line of sight. Each of them had red rimmed eyes. Alex was really confused as to where she was and why they were both here.

She tried to speak, moving her mouth, but something wasn’t right. Her extremely foggy brain wasn’t catching up to what was going on. She had a strong urge to lick her lips and that was when she discovered the tube in her mouth.

In an instant, she panicked. All the alarms went crazy around her as her heart sped up and she fought against the ventilator. 

“Alex?” A new voice entered her ears. It was too muffled.

She welcomed the black darkness again that followed.

The doctor looked at Eliza, “that was progress. Next time should be even better.”  
… 

Alex was starting to stir again. It had been three hours since she had woken up the last time and had to be sedated again. She opened her eyes slowly, unprompted this time, still very confused and disoriented.

Eliza came into view and put her hand on her daughter’s head. “Easy sweetie. I need you to stay calm. You’re currently intubated. You need to let it do its job, okay? Don’t fight it.” 

Alex would’ve nodded if she could. Instead she just blinked up at her mom. She wasn’t a fan of being intubated, then again, who was… She couldn’t move at all right now.

Another person entered her line of sight. 

“Sergeant Danvers, I’m Dr. Elizabeth Marks. If you can hear me, blink once.” 

Alex hesitated, letting the words sink in around the ringing.

**One blink.**

“Good. Are you in any pain? Blink once for yes and twice for no.”

**One blink.**

Moments later, the overall hit-by-a-tank-and-crushed feeling faded.

“Better?”

**One blink.**

“How is your hearing? Good or bad?” 

**Two blinks.**

“Once for ringing and twice for muffled.” 

**One blink.** Pause. **Two blinks.**

The doctor nodded and wrote it down in the chart. 

"Do you know where you are?” 

**Two blinks.**

“Okay. You’re at National City General Hospital in California.” 

**Several blinks.**

“I know you must be very confused right now. I’ll try to explain everything the best that I can… Do you remember what happened?” 

Alex tried to remember. She really did. She could remember… _Geez her head hurt._ She could remember skyping with Kara and Maggie… Then it was all a massive blank. That freaked her out. 

_**Two blinks.**_

Alex’s heart rate started to increase as she struggled to maintain her grip on her panic. Her mind had always been her unwavering ally. It had never failed her, not once. Yet here she was, with a large hole of information missing. 

“Alex, I need you to calm down. I know you are scared right now.” 

_**Blank stare.**_

Even in this state, Alex still wouldn’t admit that. 

“Five days ago, there was an incident involving an IED. You’re recovering from two major surgeries and have a concussion. It is understandable that you don’t remember it right now.” 

_**One blink.**_ One very slow blink. Those pain meds were good. Warm and fuzzy… 

Eliza and Dr. Marks watched as Alex’s eyes slid shut. A marching band could walk through the ICU and she wouldn’t so much as twitch. She was going to be out for at least the next hour. 

“Each time she's woken up, she’s been more coherent. We’re going to start weaning her off the ventilator and hopefully have her extubated by the end of the day. We don’t want her on it any longer than she needs to be. Her oxygenation is good, and she is responding well to questions asked of her.” Dr. Marks explained to Eliza. 

“How soon can she be moved out of the ICU and into general?” Eliza asked her. 

Dr. Marks sighed, “my best guess is if everything goes well with her extubation, tomorrow morning. We’ll remove the feeding tube and she’ll be good to move rooms. She’ll feel significantly better once those things are out of her.” 

Eliza nodded, “I’m letting you know now that as soon as she is off the ventilator and realizes that she has a feeding tube in, she’ll want it out. Just a heads up, be prepared. With her head back on her shoulders, Alex Danvers will be a force to be reckoned with.” 

“It might be easier for her to have it tonight, though. Her throat will likely be very sore from being intubated. I’m not sure she’ll want to eat, and she needs to eat to gain enough strength to recover.” 

Shaking her head and smiling Eliza said, “I think you’ll find that she’d rather be in pain while swallowing than have a tube in her.” 

Dr. Marks chuckled, “very well then. I’ll have some broth ordered for her for dinner.” 

… 

Maggie had given Eliza some time alone with Alex. She had walked around the hospital a few times, and found herself sitting in the garden on a bench. There were so many confusing and conflicting emotions running through her right now. One week ago, all of their lives were completely different, Alex’s most of all. 

Maggie had finally begun to find a rhythm to her day. She thrived on routine when she could get it. Her new routine involved numerous hours spent inside the hospital. 

She was beyond worried for Alex but extremely concerned for how she would react to her being by her side right now. Alex is a very proud and stubborn person. She’s not one to take help when it’s given to her because of those qualities. 

But then again, they had created a special bond in their four months spent working together. Maggie knew that Alex didn’t show her softer side to just anyone. It was reserved for her family and now Maggie. She’d been letting her in more and more. 

But now? Maggie had a feeling that dynamic was about to change. This was something a lot more significant then sharing favorite ice cream flavors. 

Maggie had to put herself in Alex’s shoes… Well… _Shoe…_ That was sobering. 

Going from high independence to complete dependence on others for normal activities was going to be one of the hardest, if not the hardest thing Alex has ever had to do. 

There was absolutely no control that Maggie had in this situation and that tore at her. She could be as supportive and helpful and caring as possible, but that was only on her side of the equation… 

Sighing, Maggie shook her head and went to go get coffee before going back into the hospital. 

… 

As Maggie approached the room, she could see that it was just Eliza and Alex in there. She stepped in and handed Eliza her coffee. 

“Thank you,” Eliza said, holding it and taking a sip. 

“What’d I miss?” Maggie asked, taking a seat. She’d been gone for a while getting fresh air, trying to clear her head, and getting coffee. 

“Well,” Eliza began, “I had Winn take Kara home to get some rest. I banished her for the next four hours. Alex woke up again and has no memory of what happened, but she was able to answer a few questions.” 

Maggie nodded along, “sounds like progress to me.” She came around and stood next to Alex’s left side taking her hand. She gave it a light squeeze and was shocked to feel a little pressure back. She moved so she’d be more in Alex’s line of sight. 

Maggie gently moved away the few hairs that were out of place on Alex’s forehead and smiled as her eyes fluttered open. She still kept a hand on Alex’s. “Hey, Danvers.” She said and gave Alex a full dimpled smile. 

Alex slowly picked her hand up to reach Maggie’s arm. Right now, that was probably the only limb Alex could feel somewhat normally. 

Maggie could see Alex’s eyes brighten. She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “You doing okay?” Maggie asked. 

**One blink.**

Maggie turned to Eliza. 

Eliza already knowing what Maggie was going to ask, said, “one for yes, two for no, and many when she’s confused.” 

Alex’s eyes shifted over to see her mother. She moved her hand away from Maggie and reached out for her mom. 

Eliza came over and took her hand. Alex squeezed it lightly three times. Whether it was, “I love you,” or just a reassurance, it did the trick. Eliza smiled in return. Both Maggie and Eliza could feel their tension leaving knowing that Alex was doing okay. 

… 

Extubated, feeding tube out, and now sporting an oxygen mask, Alex was exhausted but feeling ever so slightly more comfortable. That also could have something to do with the next round of pain medication she’d been given… 

It was still just Eliza and Maggie right now. Apparently all the late nights awake and worrying had caught up to Winn and Kara since they hadn’t come back in yet. Odds were high that they were both asleep as soon as they hit their bed. 

Dr. Marks was checking a few more things when Alex tried to speak earning everyone’s attention. 

Her voice didn’t come out as more than a squeak the first time but she was persistent. 

“Da---age… Re---ort.” 

“What was that, Alex?” Eliza asked, not understanding. 

Maggie got it though. “Damage report. She wants her damage report.” 

She got up from her seat and held onto Alex’s hand. “Are you sure you want your damage report?... Maybe tomorrow would be better…” 

“--o. N--o.” Alex said. 

“Okay, okay.” Maggie said. “Just take it easy with that voice, Danvers. I want it to heal well.” 

Maggie knew she was fussing over her but she couldn’t bring herself to stop at this point. She’d even fed Alex the ice chips once when she wanted them. 

Dr. Marks nodded, “very well.” 

She cleared her throat before beginning. “You had a dislocated right shoulder, ruptured eardrums which is why your ears are ringing and sounds are muffled, strained neck from whiplash accompanied by a mild concussion… Which, we can actually take that brace off now.” She said before removing Alex’s neck brace. 

She slowly moved Alex’s head side to side and up and down. “How is it feeling?” 

Alex gave her a thumbs up but the grimace betrayed her. 

Dr. Marks sighed before continuing, ”you have a surgically repaired broken right wrist and arm, bruised ribs on both sides, there was shrapnel down your arms and legs, fractured left tibia accompanied with burns, bone contusions to your lower back, and you’re still fighting off a low grade fever from bilateral ear infections.” 

“You have been given a significant blood transfusion, you were in hypovolemic shock, your heart arrested twice, and you’re lucky to be alive right now, Sergeant Danvers.” 

All things considered at this point, Alex thought it wasn’t so bad… That was until the doctor continued speaking. 

“The main injury, though, is that you had an above-the-knee amputation to your right leg…” 


	16. Head Against Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Alex's mind slowly becomes clearer, the reality of what happened to her starts to register.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! ... I know it's been six, almost seven months since the last time you all got an update. 2018 went out swinging, but I'm still here and this story isn't being abandoned. I'm committed to seeing this through. I love this story too much to give it up. Updates may be slower, I'm taking a couple classes this semester and working, so my free time has dwindled. But I'm still writing, I'm still chipping away at this story.
> 
> Thank you all for being patient and sticking with this. I appreciate all the kudos and comments you all leave. And thank you for the reminders that you're still here.
> 
> <3
> 
> All mistakes are my own. If you see something that should be corrected, please point it out.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/157827126@N03/42010834745/in/dateposted-public/)

 

_**“The main injury, though, is that you had an above the knee amputation to your right leg…”** _

No. _No no no no no._

Slowly. _Very slowly_ , Alex looked down at herself taking in the sling, cast, bandages, boot, _leg._ Singular. _One._

Dr. Marks continued talking, eyeing Alex carefully to judge her reaction. Alex just stared down at the blanket.

“... From the scans that I received, your leg had been amputated below the knee in a traumatic amputation in the field, but your knee and what was left below it were then crushed. That’s why it had to be amputated higher up. There was nothing that could’ve been rebuilt or saved in there… My best guess is that whatever you were in, collapsed onto you. I wasn’t given a lot of detail other than x-rays and other scans, but the vest you were wearing definitely saved your life since your organs are all intact. This is also all preliminary information. Once you start physical therapy, we’ll all get more information about the depth of your injuries.”

It didn’t feel real. Alex could’ve sworn she was still in Afghanistan yesterday, but today she had learned it was five days ago. Five days ago she was fine… Five days ago she was fine… Five days ago she was--.

“Alex?” Dr. Marks asked after Alex had gone silent. “Are you okay?”

“I--m f--ne …” She tried to say. She was rather frustrated with the oxygen mask on her face and her tired vocal cords, but there was almost no emotion to her voice.

Alex was still staring at her leg. She wanted to look away, but she just couldn’t. She tried reaching for the blanket with her left hand, but her sling and casted arm were too big for her to reach it properly.

Eliza put her arm on Alex’s and asked, “are you sure you want to see it now? Maybe you should rest a little longer.”

Alex didn’t listen. She just continued to try to pull the blanket away with her currently uncoordinated and uncooperative hand.

Maggie was the one to reach over and help her. She didn’t take her eyes off of Alex’s face as she delicately lifted the blanket.

Unblinking, Alex tried to push herself more upright. She needed to feel that it was gone rather than just see it.

“Woah, take it easy, Alex. You’ve had an incredibly rough five days.” Dr. Marks warned her as she attempted to stop Alex from leaning forward.

Not taking orders from her doctor, Alex pushed away from the hands that came to settle her back against the bed. Dr. Marks was going to try again, but Eliza held out a hand to stop her.

“Don’t. If this is what she wants, let her do it.” Eliza’s words were final. She left no room for argument.

Being an ICU doctor, Dr. Marks was not supposed to be intimidated by family members or patients, yet she could feel the immense weight to what the elder Danvers woman was saying. She backed off as Maggie and Eliza helped Alex sit up.

As careful as they were, Alex still winced when a hand found an extra sensitive spot on her back. But she pushed it down and ignored the pain.

She took in her bandaged remaining limb. It ended three inches higher than her left knee. It was shockingly short to her, but what she was left with was thankfully enough that a prosthetic leg was still possible. Alex was at least glad that she had that going for her…

Her left hand slowly inched its way down until it hit the air. She wrapped her hand around the edge of it. Her brain and doctor had unfortunately not been lying to her. She was an amputee.

As her hand rested there, not a person dared speak or breathe in the room. Alex could feel the tension in everyone but she didn’t care. She faintly became aware of the pain that was in the limb and the slow and steady mounting pain that came from forcing her body to continue sitting forward.

A few more seconds of staring was all she could take. Her mother and Maggie were there again to lower her the few inches back against the bed.

She stared at the door in front of her as she waited for the onslaught of pain to retreat, but it didn’t. The pain of her body and the disorientation from the ringing in her ears was becoming too much. She moved her hand back to her side where she felt something hard. She looked over to see a button attached to a tube that went into her IV.

“It’s a dose of morphine that you can administer yourself when you need it.” Dr. Marks explained.

And Alex pushed it, waiting only a short time before the pain dulled and her eyes grew heavy again. They make her fuzzy and loopy, but Alex will take that over pain and reality for now. She can deal and process later.

The doctor couldn’t notice a difference, but Eliza and specifically Maggie could see the change in Alex’s eyes. They were colder, harder.

 _This could all still be a bad dream._ Alex thought to herself.

Alex’s lack of comments and emotions were a hint for them all to leave. She didn’t want to interact with anyone. That much was demonstrated with her quick administration of morphine. Alex had to have been in a lot of pain to be so willing to take it.

“It’s gonna be okay, sweetie.” Her mom said to her as her eyes closed.

As Maggie left, she gave Alex’s hand an ever so gentle squeeze, smiling when she got an even fainter squeeze back. That was all the fight Alex had left in her for now as she welcomed the blissfulness of sleep.

**…**

Maggie checked the time as she stepped out of Alex’s room. She had exactly twenty minutes until she was expecting a certain phone call that she couldn’t miss.

After waving goodbye to Eliza, Maggie took a cab back to her own apartment. The back seat was tainted with engrained cigarette smoke and what looked like someone’s used chapstick stuck between the seats. She shivered, noting that she’d need to shower later to get rid of the feeling of the cab.

As the trees passed by, Maggie went through her own mental checklist for what was going to happen within the next week. She had to pack for the next month, but only lightly. The majority of her civvies were in Metropolis anyway. And then there was the matter of Alex being in the hospital for the foreseeable future. The first date she had planned wasn’t going to really work with her being confined to a bed at the moment. That was another thing to deal with.

Her thoughts charged forward as she looked out the window of the cab. It was raining lightly now, and the drops were racing each other down the slightly foggy window. Oddly enough, the rain was the calm to her own storm. She allowed her mind to quiet for the last few blocks to her apartment building.

**…**

Maggie looked in her mirror and sighed. She had purple bags under her eyes from the jet lag and lack of sleep specifically from the previous two nights. The bags almost gave her a ghostly appearance to her usually warm skin. She looked drawn and weary. Her hair was longer than she liked it to be, adding that to her mental list to get trimmed. That one, though, could wait until she got to Metropolis.

Her apartment felt empty with no one else in it. It hadn’t been used in months, and it was so still, almost as if the apartment was preserving the memories in it as they were. The place was covered in framed photos of her and her little girl and James. She walked down the short hall to Jamie’s room and poked her head in.

Right now, it was tidy, no evidence that her little tornado stays there. The light baby pink walls and soft carpet were completely intact. The small easel in the corner still had her doodles across it from months ago.

Maggie had to remake the bed once already though, she had found herself sleeping in it, the faint scent of her little girl still lingering on the sheets and stuffed animals. Her heart, despite already being in pain for Alex, ached deeply for her daughter.

Speaking of her daughter, her phone rang out, the call she was waiting for now ringing through. She picked it up and held it to her ear.

 _\-- “Hey books, it’s James.”_ James said as soon as the call was picked up.

 _\-- “Hi sketch, it’s good to hear your voice.”_ Maggie replied, knocking her back into the wall behind her and slowly sliding down to meet the floor. She didn’t want to get the cab smell on her sofa.

 _\-- “I know I’m calling you a few minutes early, but I wanted to hear your voice and update you on something happening in Jamie’s class.”_ He said, getting right into it. _"The day you get back, they're doing a mini-career presentation day."_

 _\-- “Isn’t preschool a little young to do that?”_ Maggie questioned. She was in middle school when they did career day in Nebraska.

 _\-- “Yes,”_ James confirmed, _"but, one of the kids wanted to bring their dad in for show and tell because he just got a new job. And you can guess what happened after that… Hence it being a mini-career presentation day, just a little something to expose them to the possibilities for when they’re big and grown.”_

 _\-- “Oh please don’t say big and grown! Jamie just turned four. Our little baby needs to stay little forever.”_ Maggie sighed. Everyone had told her that her baby would age seemingly in the blink of an eye. She didn’t grasp that until she saw it before her own eyes. The deployment hadn’t helped either.

 _\-- “I know, I know. I can’t believe she’s four already either,”_ James agreed sighing too. _“We can dwell in sadness later about our baby growing up. The point I'm getting to is that it's the perfect way we can surprise Jamie about you being home. It's at the end of the day, and your flight lands an hour and a half before the… I’m gonna call it show and tell. I can arrange it with her teachers that we go last, giving you enough time to get to the school from the airport.”_ He paused for a moment before continuing, _“that’s if it’s something you want to do. We can do a private reunion too if that’s more appealing. This is your moment.”_

Maggie was silent taking a second to process it all. In theory, it could work. That’s in theory. She needed logistics, a detailed plan, and a beautiful (not delayed) travel day, to make it all work. If executed to the T, it would make her day, and Jamie’s as well. Failure was not an option. She’d love to have a private moment with her daughter, but, she wasn’t sure she could wait until after school to see her. Maggie knew that the second she landed in Metropolis, she wouldn’t be able to wait another moment. 

_\-- “You get me the details for where and when, and I’ll fly that plane myself if I have to, to get there on time.”_ Maggie confirmed.

 _\-- “Perfect!”_ James said. Maggie could practically hear the smile in his voice. _“So that’s the--”_ He stopped talking as Maggie heard that little voice. _“Daddy, can I have a cookie?”_

Maggie’s chuckle mirrored James’s.

 _\-- “Not right before bed, Jaybird, you know the rules. You already brushed your teeth!”_ James continued talking to Jamie, letting Maggie listen in. _“I know I did, but I NEED a cookie, Daddy. I need it to sleep.”_ Jamie tried again. Maggie could practically hear the pout in the small child’s voice. She imagined Jamie in her tiny pajamas, her bear probably dragging on James’s soft carpet. Maybe she was in her sock-monkey pajamas tonight. _“I don’t think you do need a cookie to sleep tonight… I actually have something even better than a cookie before bed!”_

Maggie jumped up to go grab the book she was supposed to read tonight, rounding the corner too fast and out of practice. Her sock-clad feet almost caused a cartoon reenactment, but she steadied herself on the doorframe, continuing her frenzied dash to get the book.

 _\-- “What’s better than a cookie?”_ Maggie heard Jamie ask, baffled. After all, what's better than a cookie to a four-year-old?

Book in hand, Maggie made it back to her spot on the floor, the plain wall behind her, as James switched the call over to video.

“Hi Jamie,” she greeted her daughter, dimples out in full force. Jamie was indeed in her sock monkey pajamas all cozy and ready for bed.

“MOMMY!”

"Hi, mija. How was your day?"

“I miss you, Mommy…” Jamie’s voice grew small, her tiny lip trembling just the way Maggie’s did. It wouldn’t be long before those big hot tears would spill over, the excitement from a moment ago was lost.

“I know you do baby, I know. I miss you so much, my little Jaybird. I promise I’ll be home really soon.” Three days seventeen hours, and thirty-seven minutes to be exact... She’d been counting the days ever since she left and as of this last week, she’d been counting the hours and minutes. 

Maggie watched as James kissed Jamie’s cheek and picked her up heading for her bedroom. They kept all of Jamie’s bedtime books in her room. Her room at their house in Metropolis was nearly the same as the one here in National City. They tried to keep things mostly the same for Jamie to make their living situations a little easier to transition between. 

“Mommy? Can I read the book tonight?” Jamie asked when she was put down and handed tonight’s book.

Maggie furrowed her brows, “mija, you can read?” 

James chimed in, “yeah, she’s starting to read already, not just memorize the words. Of course our little Jaybird is smart, just like her mommy and daddy!”

Pride swelled in Maggie’s chest, this was a big milestone, “of course you can read tonight’s book!”

“Okay!” Jamie smiled. “Goodnight Moon…”

**…**

Although it was muffled, the beeping was that incessant that it woke her again. Alex had had her fair share of hospital trips, but never quite realized just how _loud_ it was in here. The ICU was exceptionally noisy, that, added onto the ringing in her ears and mounting headache, left Alex laying in a very disorienting atmosphere. With critical patients being in here, one would think it’d be a little quieter. That definitely wasn’t the case. 

While the world around her still seemed somewhat muddled, Alex felt a little clearer, more aware of her surroundings. 

A quick glance around the room and Alex discovered she was alone for once. So she took this moment of “quiet” to really access how she felt, Dr. Marks’ words still bouncing around inside her head. 

She started with her left hand, the one she knew worked. Starting with her thumb, she slowly moved it up and down. There was a subtle ache that started to settle in her hand, extending through her wrist and forearm. That she could chalk up to severe lack of movement… and to the minor detail of what landed her here… 

Alex picked up her left arm and rotated it, not missing the IV that protruded from one of her veins. Half of her skin was covered in bandages, hiding the inevitable scars from the shrapnel carefully removed one piece at a time. 

Keeping her head still against her pillow as to not cause further pain to her neck and head, she then moved her hand to brush across the front of that awfully unflattering hospital gown to feel the semi-loose bandages over her midsection. A small amount of prodding is all it took for her bruised ribs to make themselves known. The grunt she tried to let out had no sound to it but caused a very quiet and very painful cough to slide out between her lips. 

She took as deep a breath as she comfortably could to recenter herself and continued on with her assessment. 

The large black sling on her right arm was next. The hospital gown covered the top of her arm and shoulder and went into the sling, but Alex could still make out the edges of a plain white fiberglass cast and the tips of her fingers just barely poking out. 

As Alex poked and felt around the edges of the cast from her fingers to her elbow, she discovered two things. One: she had no pain in it or feeling, but she assumed it was due to the constant flow of high-grade painkillers. And two: the cast continued up past her elbow to the top of her sling. 

When she pressed on her right shoulder, there was a good bit of pain that broke through her drug-induced fog. 

Trying not to put too much thought into the pain, (if she doesn’t acknowledge the pain, then it won’t hurt) she calmly and slowly reached back to her left side for the buttons that move the bed. 

Ever so gently and carefully and at the pace of a snail, Alex pushed the button for the back of the bed to be raised. 

It turns out, an extra thirty degrees upright made a huge difference. That pain in her right shoulder, that she may or may not be ignoring, was relieved almost instantly. When she was lying far back like that, she hadn’t been able to see much, but now up at a better angle, everything seemed to ease up some. Her lower back was the only thing that protested, but it wasn’t significant enough to matter.

From her new angle, Alex had a good view out the glass door as well as the bottom half of her hospital bed.

Her legs were still covered in a blanket, but she could make out what looked to be the box-y outline of a walking boot on her left leg. There were no doubt dozens of bandages up that leg as well but the thought of reaching down to move the blanket was too much effort. 

Avoiding the inevitable, Alex’s eyes drifted over to the empty space that her lower leg should’ve occupied. She couldn’t look away. In her head, there was this disconnect of what she saw versus what she knew should be there and what was there a week ago. 

There were unsightly drain tubes that she could see coming out from under the blanket that hung down the side of the bed into bags.

She couldn’t look away. She couldn’t process. Her memories were still missing, something that was currently scaring her much more than her injuries. She was missing part of the story…

And as the next dose of medication entered and her eyes grew heavy once more, she still couldn’t look away… 

She couldn’t look away…

**…**

“Hey Alex, I come bearing your dinner!” Kara announced cheerily as she entered Alex’s ICU room followed by a nurse with a cart and Dr. Marks.

The glare Alex sent Dr. Marks’ way didn’t go unnoticed.

“Easy, I’m just here to switch you to a nasal cannula so you can eat.” With her hands up as a gesture of peace, Dr. Marks approached and switched the mask out. In the process, however, the cannula bumped into the stitches that Alex didn’t realize she had, below her right eye.

Wincing away Alex glanced towards Kara before glaring back at the doctor. 

“Sorry. Those should be coming out in the next day or so. We want to be sure that cut is sealed so it doesn’t reopen.” 

Once the oxygen was flowing again, Alex wouldn’t admit it, but she felt relieved. It did help. 

When Dr. Marks promptly left, Nurse Tony had stayed behind just to make sure the process of Alex eating went well. But he did stand off in the corner in an attempt to give the sisters time with each other.

Alex reached a tentative hand up to her cheek to feel the long stretch of stitches. From what she could tell, the stitches ran along just under the base of her eye socket starting at her nose and extending horizontally towards her temple. The cut traced the length of where the bottom of her tactical glasses had once rested on her face.

She was brought out of her haze, however, when Kara cleared her throat and gestured to the food. The bowl holding her less than appealing dinner was placed on top of a table that rotated to fit over her into the center of the bed giving her easier access to it.

“Are you hungry?” Kara asked, but only got a head tilt out of Alex, so she repeated the question a little louder.

“Are you hungry?” 

A meager one-shouldered shrug was the response Alex gave her, but Alex reached for the button again to sit more upright.

Settled, Kara got up and pulled the blanket higher up on Alex.

“This way,” Kara said while tucking Alex in, “if you drip, it’ll land on the blanket and not the gown. The blanket can be changed out a little easier than the gown right now…”

When Alex was situated, she reached forward with her left hand and picked up the spoon. The simple act of eating, though, proved to be much more difficult than it should have been. Although Alex was becoming more and more clear each time she was awake, she was far from fine or functioning at normal levels. 

Her arm was too weak and the drugs were seriously affecting her ability to use utensils and the coordination that they required.

Saving the day and the blanket, Kara intervened before too much could be spilled. 

“I know you can eat by yourself, but I’m going to help you out this time,” Kara spoke, having chosen her words carefully. 

Normally, Alex would’ve protested and just not eaten, but she had no choice. It was the condition for not using a feeding tube anymore, and she definitely wasn’t willing to go back to that. 

The first tiny taste that made it to Alex was less than satisfying. She made a face when Kara gave her a second spoonful of the broth that they were calling her dinner. 

“Oh come on, it can’t be that bad,” Kara said with a frown. It wasn’t homemade but Kara had figured that the hospital couldn’t do broth wrong.

Alex gave her a disbelieving look. It wasn’t good broth by any means, but it was food. She needed it. But that didn’t mean she had to enjoy it or like it. Even though the broth was approaching lukewarm and was less than appealing, she’d force it down and just hope it stayed there.

Kara stayed mostly silent while she carefully gave Alex spoonful after spoonful until she had eaten every last drop. She was cautious as she did it, always checking in to make sure Alex was doing alright. This was her first “meal” in a week. A lot could go wrong.

But what could have gone wrong, didn’t. While rather dissatisfied with what she had for dinner, Alex couldn’t deny how much better she felt now that she was mostly full. She hadn’t been given a lot and was told to eat slowly for the best chance at keeping it down, which is exactly what she did.

“You good?” Kara asked her. 

Alex simply shrugged with her good shoulder and gave a little nod.

Dr. Marks came in just after she had finished, neither of them having noticed when Nurse Tony went to get her. She was no doubt waiting and giving the sisters some space, busying herself until she knew they were done. 

When she entered again, she reached over for the oxygen mask and Alex narrowed her eyes at her. 

“I’m sorry, Alex. You need it a little longer. You’ll be without the extra oxygen before you know it, but for now, you need it.”

“Y--u c-a-n --all. --e. --an--ers.”

“What?” Both Dr. Marks and Kara said at the same time.

“Dan--vers… You c-a-n c-all m-- Dan-vers.” She’d been referred to as Danvers way more than she was ever referred to as Alex over the last several years. That wasn’t something she was going to give up just yet. Calling her Alex was something that friends and family did. She needed some more time.

“Alright, Danvers noted. I can do that, but you still need the oxygen.”

Alex narrowed her eyes again. She felt a little like a petulant child, but she was fiercely independent. In the course of what felt like a day, Alex had gone from completely independent and being in charge, to complete dependence and being told what to do. She was over this and not happy. She felt like she was going to go insane in this room.

“It’s non-negotiable.” Dr. Marks said with finality and put the mask on Alex. “The sooner you listen to instructions on how to get better, the sooner you can get out of the ICU and into General and then eventually home.” 

Be that as it may, Alex still grumbled under her breath and ignored the feeling of relief as the additional oxygen flowed through the mask.

**…**

“Knock knock,” Maggie said as she slid through the glass door. “I come with pre-approved chamomile tea with honey for the most important patient in the hospital. It should help your throat and voice.”

Alex smiled sleepily, her eyes tired but bright, and made a little grabby hand at the styrofoam coffee cup. She was never much of a tea person, but if it helped her to speak and made her throat less raw from the ventilator, then she’d happily drink it. 

“Th--nks.” 

Maggie nodded with a dimpled smile.

Cup securely in Alex’s hand, Maggie turned to find Kara drifting off in the reclining chair in the corner, a hand protectively resting on top of her growing belly.

She walked over to the younger Danvers and gently shook her shoulder.

“Little Danvers,” she whispered, “time to wake up. You need an actual bed to sleep in.”

Kara simply grumbled and turned away. But when a light knock rang out from the doorway, Kara peeked an eye open.

Winn came into the room and knelt by the chair Kara was curled up on, gently brushing his thumbs over her cheeks.

Now that Alex was awake and mostly coherent, the staff had gotten a little more lenient with the number of visitors that came to see her. It wasn’t hard to overlook the rules considering the Danvers family never questioned when the doctor or nurses asked them to step out, never got in the way, and were respectful of their noise level.

“Baby, it’s time to go home. Let’s go say goodnight to Alex and get some rest. We’ll come back in the morning, I promise.” 

That special tone that Winn used did the trick. Within three minutes, he had Kara up and kissing Alex goodnight with the promise of returning the next day.

“They’re really good for each other, aren’t they?” Maggie asked as she took a seat in the plastic chair next to Alex’s bed.

Alex hummed in response, the tea already helping to soothe her voice, content to just be in the same room as Maggie.

Maggie let the silence continue for a minute, allowing Alex time to drink up her tea and settle. But she couldn’t let it go on forever.

“How’re you holding up, Danvers?” 

“Gr-ea-t,” she cleared her throat rather painfully, “n--ver better…”

“Y’know Danvers, you don’t have to say that with me. You never have, and I never want you to… You know if you want to talk about anything, I’m here for you. Judgment free.”

“C--an barely t--alk.” Alex cleared her throat before drinking the final sips of tea. As she reached to put it on the table, her grip gave out and the cup slipped. Maggie caught it before it could hit the ground and put the empty cup in the trash can.

“I know you can barely talk right now, but every day your voice will get stronger until it’s back to normal. And I’m here even if you don’t want to talk. Sometimes just having someone be in the same room is enough knowing that they support you. And I do support you, Alex. We’re partners and make a hell of a team.”

Maggie slid her hand on top of Alex’s and returned the squeeze when Alex’s hand tightened ever so slightly around her own.

She didn’t expect Alex to say anything else, especially with the way her eyelids were drooping again, but Alex murmured quietly, “‘m so tired of bein’ tired…” 

“I’m sure you are. It’s your body’s way of healing itself… Not easy work. Get some rest, Alex. I’ll be right here…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In light of one of the events that happened in my life in the last few months, I want all of you to know something. You're all beautiful and exactly the way you are supposed to be. You're never alone, and there's always tomorrow. One step at a time. And most importantly, love and be kind to yourself. "So far you've survived 100 percent of your worst days. You're doing great." ~ Unknown
> 
> I love you all.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Thoughts? Drop a comment and a kudos if you liked reading or have suggestions! You can find me on Tumblr at The-SuperLizard, or on Twitter at The_SuperLizard.


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